Archive for the pregnant Tag

Friday Funny: Trending Down Towards Your Genetics

So I’m writing this on my due date.  While doing jumping jacks.  So hopefully, as you are reading this, I’ve had the baby.  Because if there’s anything more miserable than being pregnant at this point, it’s attempting to schedule more doctor’s appointments. Seriously, they over-book every damned day. I have to go to two separate offices on Friday for appointments
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Is It Swollen? No, But It WAS Nearly Fatal. . .

I HATE the fact that it gets dark at 5PM. Why do we still move the clocks back?  Can’t we just do away with the whole antiquated practice? It’s been torturing mothers everywhere for years. I’ve heard a lot of mothers complain about how it messes with the routine.  Yet, during the past few years, I never really noticed too
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Sex. While VERY Pregnant. I Went There. . .Consider Yourself Warned. . .

Sooooooooo. . .We’re rapidly approaching due date around here.  And I’m DYING to be done being pregnant. I don’t particularly enjoy pregnancy and while this one has been pretty great, all things considered, I just want to be able to drink wine and eat blue cheese in my standard-issue fat pants again. A while ago, I got a stupid idea
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My Baby Bump Was Assaulted By A Drunk!

So remember from yesterday’s uncharacteristically “thoughtful” post, we had dinner with my in-laws last weekend? We went to church Saturday evening.  Church was hotter than hell itself.  I’m certain of it.  I CANNOT believe we picked a church without air conditioning!  I’ll NEVER make that mistake again. It was touch and go, but we all made it out alive.  And
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Dispatches from a Pregnant Bitch

My Husband.  He’s adorable. Me?  I’m a pregnant bitch.   Last weekend:   Me:  “Ugh.  Sorry, it takes forever to poop.” Him:  (Excitedly) “I KNOW!” Me:  “It’s because of the pregnancy.  Everything slows down.  It’s not typically an issue.” Him:  “Oh.  What’s my problem then?” Me:  “I’ve been wondering that for the past ten years. . .”   Last week
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Pregnant & Delusional Mother: Birth – The True Final Frontier – Part II

If you recall from last week’s post about Mac’s Magical arrival, I was tired, hungry, and surly.  I had just sent Chris home to get me a sandwich (against my Physician’s “rules”), and Dr. Word Vomit wanted to break my water. . . What was my Husband doing at home while I was making my decision?  Well, unbeknownst to him, most
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The Pregnant & Delusional Reluctant Mother: Birth. . .The True Final Frontier – Part I

Mac turns one in a week. . .And just for your supreme amusement, I thought I’d do a two-part recounting of his arrival. . .Here’s part one. . .Be sure to visit next Thursday, 5/24 for the epic conclusion. Let’s get a little background out of the way.  I’m scared to death of doctors.  Seriously, every time I think about
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