Archive for the parenting Tag

Daddy’s A Woozel! And I’m A FAILURE!

So yesterday was Mac’s 3-year well-child visit with the Pediatrician. And she didn’t disappoint. I walked out of there feeling like a complete parenting failure. As we all know, Mac is not fond of the Doctor, so I was initially feeling very fortunate he was just clinging to Chris for dear life and mildly hyperventilating as opposed to thrashing about
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Makin’ It The Best Summer EV-AH!!!

You smell that? No, not the dead rat in the alley.   It’s freshly mowed grass and a hint of humidity. . .dew on the pavement. . .SUNSHINE.  It’s SUNSHINE!  Warm, sweet, sunshine! Summer is nearly here! Parents bitch about summer.  Presumably because their kids are on summer break from school and acting all BORED and OBNOXIOUS. I, however, don’t
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In Which Reluctant Mother Names All The Lego Guys After Alcoholic Beverages And Finds Some Redemption

Just when I was about to lose my parenting shit and send everyone off to some sort of structured, beneficial, better-than-I-can-provide learning environment. .  .{AKA PRESCHOOL!}. . . So I could clean up cat barf in peace:  Mac: [Pointing at floor] “You got a. . .a. . .poop?”  Me:  “That’s cat vomit.”  Mac:  “Cat vomit?  Cat vomit!  hahahahahahaha!  Cat Vomit!
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Activating The Exhausted Ass Launch Sequence

You know the book?  The Napping House “where everyone is sleeping?” THAT’S NOT THIS DAMNED HOUSE! Teddy can’t sleep because Mac’s a loud, boisterous wild man.  Mac won’t sleep because. . .well, he’s a wild man. DO YOU KNOW HOW AWFUL EVERY AFTERNOON IS WITH TWO EXHAUSTED CHILDREN? EVERY.  AFTERNOON. It’s starting to wear on me. I need a PLAN.
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In Which A Hypocritical Bitch Buys A New Stroller

Remember that post I wrote recently about our mattress purchase?  Remember how I mocked my Husband for all the “research” he wanted to do prior to purchasing said mattress? So, turns out a mattress wasn’t the only “major” purchase we needed to make recently. . .We also needed a TANDEM STROLLER. Ok. . .Maybe not “we” needed but “I” needed.
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No Gifts Please

We’ve all seen this right?  On a kid’s party invite. . .”No gifts please.”  Hell, I’ve even put it on invites myself. Still, every time I see it I break out in a heart-pounding cold sweat.  Panic. Why?  Why do parents do this?! I know exactly why I’ve done it: BECAUSE I DON’T NEED MORE CHEAP-ASSED SMALL PLASTIC PARTS CLUTTERING
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This Play Group Is On. . .Like Green On a Lime Jello Dino

So recall about a month ago we received an invite to a playgroup from one of our fabulous neighbors? I was out of sorts about it.  Because well, we’re US.  And our neighbor is stunning and seemingly unflappable and well, just seems so much more with it than I am. Of course, practically everyone is more with it than I
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Reluctant Mother Loses More Than A Small Chunk Of Self

So, I’m getting to be “that age.” You know what I’m talking about, right? That age where you shouldn’t really take your health for granted.  That age where you can’t guzzle wine until 1:30AM and still function the next day.  That age where you know people your own age who have serious health challenges.  That age where when you find
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Prelude to A Play Date

So we have this neighbor at the end of our block.  She has two sons very close in age to ours’.  She’s all-together and cool, right down to the perfect skinnies and chic boots she rocks while chasing her adorable, compliant kids up and down the block every afternoon. Way out of our league. (I can’t even trust Mac to
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Making Myself A Priority

I have a problem. Actually, I have a husband, two kids, three cats, one dog, and a constantly filthy house. . . So I have a LOT of problems. Yes, they are wonderful problems. . .and I wouldn’t change my life. . . EXCEPT I’d probably endeavor to shower more than 3 times a week.  And I’d probably go to
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