Archive for the parenting humor Tag

NOT THE VAGINA!!!! (Educator-Approved)

Kids.  Crack. Me. Up.  (And have led to my almost cracking.  Why won’t they sleep?!) So a few months ago, we were in the restroom at Safeway and Mac screams “Mommy, I want a vagina!” Now this was something I didn’t expect to hear until he was a teenager, but his request was heard loud and clear by everyone else
Read more…

What the Shit? Cancer Bear?!

We’re no strangers to solicitors.  They are routine visitors in our neighborhood.  Sometimes, we open the door.  Sometimes we do not. Although we’ve been opening the door a lot more frequently. . .ever since Mac has discovered a knock at the door often equates to a package delivery.  And maaannnn does that kid love him a package delivery. One evening
Read more…

#happylifetweaks: Managing the Melissa & Doug Sticker Mess

A few years ago, I read a blog post discussing great quiet activities and toys for toddlers and preschoolers.  One of the suggested toys was the Melissa & Doug brand reusable sticker sets. Reusable stickers?  I was intrigued. A quick Amazon search revealed they’re basically like the Colorforms of my childhood – only way better. I loved Colorforms!  I HAVE
Read more…

Taking the Kids to See A Pair of Brown Boobies. . .

I can’t believe people still check my blog daily! THANK YOU!!!!  THANK YOU!! Anyway, we’re plugging along and Mac’s in preK 4 a couple of hours several days a week and Teddy attends a 2-year-old program once a week.  He’s like the damned mayor of that place. . .all “Hey, Ms. Cetta.”  It’s disgustingly adorable.  (Her name is Concetta but
Read more…

Life With Toddlers: (Mostly) Lost In Translation

We’re reading Apple Farmer Annie by Monica Wellington. . . Me:  Look, Annie’s making a bundt cake. Mac:  Mac wants to make a cake. Me:  You need a special pan for that kind of cake.  You should ask Mimi Aunt Carol or Grandma if you can bake one. Mac:  Mimi Aunt Carol and Grandma are going to make BUTT cake!!!
Read more…

Rice Sock For Penis Hanging AND Hanging With Penises. . .

RICE SOCK FOR PENIS HANGING. This is apparently what’s been leading some of you to this dysfunctional corner of the Internet. I apologize, I haven’t a clue what a “rice sock for penis hanging” is. (I have a few mental images. . . .making me giggle in a nervous kinda he-hee.) Somewhat related, I recently learned from my three-year old
Read more…

Lame-Ass Sticker Chart: Don’t Knock It, ‘Til You Try It

So I don’t want to terrify any of you “newish” parents but THREE IS THE WORST! WORST. At least until 13-ish. Anyway, Mac, I’m happy to report, seems to be developmentally on track:  meaning he’s continually whining, crying, resisting, bargaining, and generally attempting to get his world to work FOR HIM everyone else be damned. And it’s lead to some
Read more…

Reluctant Mother Attempts #Happylifetweaks

So, it’s frequently cold and dark in these parts this time of year.  Whether you have children or not, the weather might leave you feeling a little glum. I’m certainly hearing from several of my “mom friends” that the winter is starting to wear on them mentally, emotionally. . .parenting feels harder. . .motivation is lacking. . .chores feel wretched.
Read more…

ANOTHER Dirty Parenting Secret: The Partially Supervised (Ahem) Car) Nap

Parents, grandparents, nannys, caregivers – Multiple Choice: If a kid falls asleep in the car (or stroller, or swing, or. . .) If your kid falls asleep ANY. DAMNED. WHERE. FOR. A. NAP: A.)  You are elated. B.)  You will sleep too. C.)  You will do ANY FUCKING THING YOU CAN POSSIBLY MANAGE to make this nap happen. EVEN THOUGH
Read more…

Who The EFF is Riley?! Damn, Who The Hell Am I?

Ok. You know me, you know this much:  I am a Mom and I take that seriously – more seriously than I’ve ever pursued anything else in my life. I want to soak up every moment I have with my children before they decide they hate me err become independent. . .So, I. AM. ALWAYS. LURKING. We don’t have babysitters.
Read more…