Archive for the funny Tag

New Year’s Eve Mystery: A Story About A Bitch and Her Broom. . .

So, we have a lot of catching up to do. . .And I own that mess.  And I’m hoping I can clean it all up. . . Anyway, speaking of cleaning up. . . I actually like like like some of the women I met at the neighbor’s playgroup nearly a year ago.  And when the weather is good we
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“Your Children Have Magnificent Heads”

OF HAIR? MAGNIFICENT HEADS OF HAIR?! RIGHT?!!!!! THESE BOYS HAVE GREAT HAIR! Nope. Not.  Even.  Close. “So Mom, these kids have ginormous heads.  How did that work out for you?  Ouch.” Said the volunteer at the Patterson Park Pagoda. Is this even happening?   What?   Hold up. You’ve seen my children and all you can mention is that they
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Don’t Hate The Player: You Sad?

Hate the damned game. HATE.  THE.  GAME. UGUGH. . . . If you have more than one kid, you feel me. . . The minute you turn your undivided attention to one, the other suddenly turns into spawn of Satan. . .Or anything else that will get your attention in a hurry. Mac is STILL struggling with being knocked out
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This, That, and The Other. . .

I have a list a mile long of stuff I want to post. Time is NOT on my side. For one thing, Teddy has recently decided he LOVES feeding himself. So now I have two children dumping enough food on the floor on a daily basis to feed a small country.  And that small country is apparently Satan’s Lap Hound.
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The Learning Party

So a few weeks ago, one of the moms in our playgroup (yes, I’m typing that without irony, sarcasm, or bitterness – they’re cool), sent an email that one of the local schools was offering a once-weekly “Learning Party.” They had me at party. Parties are all cupcakes and booze and balloons and flowers. I really wanted the learning party.
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In Which Reluctant Mother Offers Son A Life Lesson While Soaking In A Urine Filled Wading Pool

I have a love/hate relationship with the Patterson Park Pool. It’s a good pool.  It’s sometimes full of bad people. They’re not really bad.  They just act badly.   And they’re REALLY good at it. . .Seriously, the adults yell at the staff about ridiculous shit.  So.  Much.  Yelling.   It’s cheap but therefore unreliable in schedule, staff, rules, chlorine
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You Can Accomplish This Before Your Effing Head Explodes: (BUT I’D ADVISE AGAINST IT) Walking Tacos

I feel like I’ve never been alive before this evening. I saw something on TV. Like really lame TV because we never watch TV so we no longer have cable. . .but still. . . It was a TV show about camping, or recipes, or trailer parks. . .I don’t know? I was trying to get Teddy to sleep. When
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You’re Doing It Wrong: Toilet Training

SO. . .about 6 weeks ago Mac saw the Doctor for his three-year well child visit.  And at this particular visit, she upbraided me because he was “a bit behind” since he couldn’t draw male and female stick figures and refused to identify colors on demand. . . And worst of all because he wasn’t toilet trained yet. . .
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Shoplifting Damnit! Not Again! Damnit!!

This has to stop. I inadvertently shoplifted.  Again. The other morning we took a walk and ran a couple of errands.  One of the things we needed to do was pick up some nutmeg for the zucchini muffins Mac and I were going to bake later that day. We went crashing into the grocery and made a beeline for the
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