Archive for the 'The Pregnant and Delusional Reluctant Mother' Category

NOT THE VAGINA!!!! (Educator-Approved)

Kids.  Crack. Me. Up.  (And have led to my almost cracking.  Why won’t they sleep?!) So a few months ago, we were in the restroom at Safeway and Mac screams “Mommy, I want a vagina!” Now this was something I didn’t expect to hear until he was a teenager, but his request was heard loud and clear by everyone else
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“Your Children Have Magnificent Heads”

OF HAIR? MAGNIFICENT HEADS OF HAIR?! RIGHT?!!!!! THESE BOYS HAVE GREAT HAIR! Nope. Not.  Even.  Close. “So Mom, these kids have ginormous heads.  How did that work out for you?  Ouch.” Said the volunteer at the Patterson Park Pagoda. Is this even happening?   What?   Hold up. You’ve seen my children and all you can mention is that they
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Unmedicated Birth – I Wouldn’t Recommend It – Part III

So Christine called for the Doctor to check my “progress” following my approximate two hours of near physical hell from which not even Daniel Craig could save me. (Yes, I had to Google that.  And yes there were photos.  And no, I didn’t have time to look.  Bookmark.  Bookmark.  Bookmark.) Christine and a different Doctor marched back in the room.
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Unmedicated Birth: I Wouldn’t Recommend It – Part II

I had NO intentions of leaving you all in such “suspense” this long.  (Although, it’s not a total cliff hanger:  the baby WAS born). It’s this weather.  It’s killing us.  It’s been entirely too cold or snowy to drag a newborn outdoors.  Then with all the illness circulating, the Doctor strongly admonished us to stay out of public places as
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Unmedicated Birth: I Wouldn’t Recommend It – Part I

This is the first installment of the story of Teddy’s arrival.  It’s probably going to be long.  And possibly gross.  So if you’re not into this sort of thing, you might want to check back another day. . . So if you recall, I was one week overdue.  Not completely miserable, but ready to evict the bouncing bundle of ahem
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A Very Happy Birthday to Teddy!

Yeah!  I’m not pregnant. Our second son, Theodore John Randall was born at 11:43PM on November 14th!! He was 7 pounds, 7 ounces, 20 and 3/4 inches tall. So far, he’s doing great.  Daddy and I are coping.  Big Brother has only tried to kill him about four times. Our bedtime routine is just a notch above complete disaster but
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Helicopter Parent Much?

Baby Boy is STILL not budging.   So it’s time to face facts, unless he gets a move on in the next 24-36 hours, I’m having an induction. Last Friday I was 40 weeks and a day, the Doc said it was “reasonable” for me to ask for an induction at any point. And I told him I really hoped
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STILL Pregnant. . .

WHAT’S THE CRAZIEST METHOD OF INDUCING LABOR YOU’VE EVER HEARD? I have a few days before induction. Maybe I’ll try out a few of your suggestions. . .be all scientific and stuff. Bah-hahahaha.

Is It Swollen? No, But It WAS Nearly Fatal. . .

I HATE the fact that it gets dark at 5PM. Why do we still move the clocks back?  Can’t we just do away with the whole antiquated practice? It’s been torturing mothers everywhere for years. I’ve heard a lot of mothers complain about how it messes with the routine.  Yet, during the past few years, I never really noticed too
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There WILL Be CONSEQUENCES?! Do You Hear Me?!

Quite possibly the biggest parenting struggle I’m having these days involves CONSEQUENCES. I’m trying not to raise a complete jerk. And that seems to necessitate a lot of effort on MY part. Mac is by all accounts a pretty great kid.  Overall, we ask a LOT of him on a routine basis, and he listens well.  We praise him lavishly
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