Home » NOT THE VAGINA!!!! (Educator-Approved)

NOT THE VAGINA!!!! (Educator-Approved)

Kids.  Crack. Me. Up.  (And have led to my almost cracking.  Why won’t they sleep?!)

So a few months ago, we were in the restroom at Safeway and Mac screams “Mommy, I want a vagina!”

Now this was something I didn’t expect to hear until he was a teenager, but his request was heard loud and clear by everyone else snickering in the restroom.

And shortly after our unceremonious exit from the store, I attempted to get at the root of his need for a vagina.  (Explaining Santa can’t bring a vagina to a 4-year-old = attempting to staple Jello to a wall.)

The source of all the fascination seems to be that women can give birth.  Mac wanted to have he same superpower.  (WHAT?  WHY?  It’s barbaric).  Anyway, that’s apparently why he wanted Santa to bring him a vagina.

I talked to his preschool teacher because I wanted a script for how to handle the discussion age appropriately.  And she said we needed a book.  In her opinion, kids, even really young kids, think parents are filtering or censoring the information they pass along.  However, if it’s in a book. . .well, it’s not the bumbling words of a parent. . .It’s IN A BOOK! Cue Oprah voice.

She didn’t suggest any titles so. . .I slugged some whiskey and browsed Amazon.  Into my virtual cart along with a massive bag of Snap Crisps, 1 million antibacterial hand wipes, and knee-high stockings (for our easter craft – I’ll write a post on that disaster for sure) went a book about making and having babies.

The exact title escapes me; however the book is interestingly illustrated – very colorful and written in a nice way for having babies in any manner – even if there are two moms, two dads, all ways of conceiving and all ways of delivering a baby.  (I’d go get the book to pass along the title but the only reason I have time to write this drivel is because the kids are asleep and the book is in their room so. . .no). . .

It’s a decent book and I’d say age appropriate for a pre-school and the early elementary crowd.

Before bed, Daddy does all the reading.  So it was Daddy who was reading this book to the kids on a routine basis.  .  .which is probably how this whole mess started. . .

One Saturday morning, Mac’s at the kitchen table playing contentedly with his snap circuits.  Chris all ornery twinkle in his eye whispers to me “Watch this.”

“Hey Mac, ” he calls from across the room, “How were you born?”

“OH NO!  NOT THE VAGINA!!” Mac scream/whines in response.  “I wanted to be born from the middle part!  NO!!!!”

He’s freaking out because he wanted to be born via C- section!!  (He was about 3 minutes away from getting his wish).  He says he didn’t want to come out “all upside down.”

Cracks.  Me.  Up.

Also, I think what’s really important here is we found an educator-approved way to torment and scar our kid.

Poor thing.




One Response to “NOT THE VAGINA!!!! (Educator-Approved)”

  1. I want to go grocery shopping with you from now on!