Home » Who The EFF is Riley?! Damn, Who The Hell Am I?

Who The EFF is Riley?! Damn, Who The Hell Am I?

Ok.

You know me, you know this much:  I am a Mom and I take that seriously – more seriously than I’ve ever pursued anything else in my life.

I want to soak up every moment I have with my children before they decide they hate me err become independent. . .So, I. AM. ALWAYS. LURKING.

We don’t have babysitters.  Or even one baby sitter.  I don’t even call in the grandparents much.

MY KIDS.

However, there are moments when I feel like all the stuff in my head – ahem – my thoughts, my brain, my free will, ego, creativity, something. . .is just becoming one disgusting glob of coffee, sleeplessness, laundry, distracted singing, fake smiling, whiskey slurping, physical stress-induced pants pissing, continually play doh flattening, uninspired heap of. . .well,

HELL. . .like a pair of black yoga pants with too much damned lint. . .and no pockets. . .and perhaps with no hope of getting laundered in the next 72 hours. . .

Right.  USELESS and a bit SHABBY. . .AND POSSIBLY MILDLY OFFENSIVE IN THE OLFACTORY DEPARTMENT. . .

When it comes to that, I know I need to sneak a little escape:

Sneaky. . .Sneaky. . .

“Chris, the AVAM has an awesome free seminar this Sunday afternoon. . .”

Chris:

“Chris, it’s all about creativity!”

Chris:  “Ok.”

“Never mind.  I can’t commit to 4 hours on a Sunday afternoon.”   (accepts RSVP)

Then I feel guilty a bazillion times because I signed up for a (free) creativity seminar.  And Chris makes several light-hearted comments about it. . .

And doubt starts to creep in. . .I’m not so creative.  Who am I kidding?  I’m the Mom. He works all day.  Don’t “stick” him with the kids on a Sunday afternoon. . .

“I’ll cancel.”

“I’m going to cancel.”

But part of my heart wants to NOT CANCEL.  SO MUCH.

The things I could learn!

I’m torn.

And just when I’m thinking I should be excited and not feel a scant amount of guilt I see this in our email:

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Right.  Riley is having a belated birthday party and I know my kids won’t make it through the movie, but we have to post.

So I email Abbey at the AVAM and kiss the search for my creative brain goodbye. . .for now.

Then I stupidly delete the invite email. . .so I send this to Riley’s Mom:

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SOOOOOOO. . . Long story, long, I cancelled my highly anticipated 4 hour Creativity Seminar at the AVAM because I THOUGHT  IT CONFLICTED WITH A BIRTHDAY PARTY FOR ONE OF OUR OLDEST AND DEAREST FRIENDS. . .

However, what I should have KNOWN was that our oldest  and dearest friends would NEVER send a birthday invite on such short notice. . .and it was so belated. . .And. . .

FUCK.

I am exactly who I am:  An aspiring creative stuck in a slightly winter-plump body with a very distracted mind, likely because she helicopter parents entirely too much. . .

AND

I’m 100% cool with that.