Home » That! Oh S%&*$T Not THAT!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!

That! Oh S%&*$T Not THAT!! ANYTHING BUT THAT!!!

Teddy hasn’t gotten much press here. . .

 

THAT!

THAT!

Mostly because he’s busy taking up all of my time with poor sleeping and other various willful and assertive acts. . .

At some point in the past six weeks. . .or maybe months?  (He is the younger kid.  I’m terrible.), he started pointing at everything and screaming “THAT!”

Uh hum.

I appreciate his enthusiasm.  It’s adorable.

Still, not unlike his PARENTS, he seems to occasionally take it a little too far. . .

Whenever Mac uses the toilet, Teddy claps his hands joyfully in celebration.

Teddy screams “Potty!” with unbridled joy. . .

Adorable.

And yet. . .

TEDDY WATCHES EVERY.  DAMNED.  THING.  EVERY.  THING. !!!!!!!!!!

And Teddy always seems to be at the ready when I attempt to sneak to the laundry. . .

And for conspiratorial and other bullshit reasons they are unwilling to disclose, it conveniently happens that Mac needs to use the potty while I attempt to sneak to the basement to attend to the laundry. . .

AND THEN TEDDY POUNCES!

OUTCOMES I HAVE NOT-EXACTLY-WITNESSED WHILE TODDLER ATTEMPTS TO TAKE AN UNASSISTED SHIT OR OTHERWISE:

1.  “You made poops on potty!  You made poops!  And the dog ate poops!  The dog ate poops  Maw-meeeee, Tilghman ate poops!!”

2.  “You made poops on potty!  You made poops!  And. . .TEDDY?!”

Race to the scene fast as I can and sweetbabyJesus Teddy’s got a turd in his adorable fist screaming “THAT!!”

The NEXT time it happened, I raced to the scene to find Teddy holding said turd in a perfect developmentally on track pincer grip about to eat it like a Cheerio.

3.  “You made tinkles on potty and Teddy spilled them everywhere!”

4.  “You made tinkles but didn’t hold penis down and Teddy is wiping it up with his wee-wub!”

5.  “Teddy is splashing in pee!  Mackinley is splashing in pee!  Like puddles!!!”

Seriously.  I had no idea. . . .