Home » The Intervention: Fucking Play Doh

The Intervention: Fucking Play Doh

So I’ve been really bad with my posting and I have like 25 drafts pending and I want to finish writing something.

ANYTHING.

BUT these little parasites I gave life to won’t afford me even a split second to finish a sentence.

So the Cliff’s notes version of what’s up in this joint is that I enrolled Mac in a preK3 program.  It’s two mornings a week for two hours.  One of the days, the parents stay and have an informative group discussion with an educator while the kids do their preK stuff and the other morning is a drop off day where the parents frantically run errands and presumably do everything they can’t do in front of their asshat three year olds.

It’s pretty cool to spend time with other parents and having access to an educator to answer all your parenting questions. . .

The program started September 15.  I thought Mac was doing pretty well.  There didn’t seem to be any separation anxiety.  He always asked to go back to school. . .

BUT After the last drop off day, I asked Mac what he did in school and he laughed and laughed shouting, “Miss Laurie will tell you not to eat play doh!”

Me:  “Mac!  That’s not funny.  We don’t eat play doh.  You know that.”

Mac:  “It’s okay to eat play doh then spit it into a towel.”

Me:  “WE DO NOT PUT THINGS THAT AREN’T FOOD IN OUR MOUTHS.  THAT’S THE RULE.”

Mac:  “Bahahahahahaha.  Mac eats play doh and poops in the woods.”

Me:  Sigh.

So this morning, we gathered in front of the school.  Mac was so excited to see his friends and go to school.

And I overheard one of the kids say, “Mac eats play doh.”

What?

And then we entered the classroom and one of the little girls saw Mac and whispered, “Mac eats play doh.”  Just like the scene from that movie when the kid whispers “I see dead people.”

Oh. Shit.   It WAS happening.  My kid was the asshole, distracting, play doh eating jerk.

And predictably, Mac didn’t seem to mind.  In fact, he seemed even MORE confident. . . He grabbed his snack and marched confidently into the class.

The children stepped aside to make way for him. BECAUSE THEY LIKELY THOUGHT HIM A FREAK! But Mac didn’t know.  Or care.  

Shake it off, Mama.

So Teddy and I bounced into the room where the parents meet.  I sit right next to the teacher (’cause nerd alert.) And when I had Teddy settled, I glanced at her open notebook.  And my stomach flipped. In capital letters consuming 1/4 of the page she had written:  M A C.

MAC must be an acrynom right?

Please?

Then she entered the room. She headed straight towards me and asked me to step outside.

I.  Could.  Vomit.  

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS KID HAS CREATED A SITUATION WHERE I’M IN A PRIVATE CONFERENCE WITH A TEACHER AFTER JUST 4 CLASSES!!!!

“So Mac is having a problem with the Play doh.  He’s eating a LOT of it.  Not just like little pieces.  A lot.  And the rule in school is that we don’t eat play doh.”

I hung my head.  “Right.  Of course he is.  This has been an issue at home for over a year.”

“Well, what do you tell him at home?”

“I tell him if he puts play doh in his mouth,  he’s choosing for me to take away the play doh.  And honestly, I’ve stopped offering it to him.  It was just becoming too much of a struggle.”

“Well, we need to intervene.  Can you come here without Teddy on Thursday so we can intervene?”

“I can try.”

“You should get a sitter.”

Let me get this straight. . .You want me to hire a sitter because my jerk face three year old is eating play doh? 

Yeah.  No.  

I’m not enabling Mac’s play doh eating at home.  You guys are the experts.  YOU deal with it.  

“Sure, I’ll see if my Husband can telework Thursday morning.”

“Ok.  So when you intervene, you need to remind him of the school rules. . .”

And I was all jazzed about the Play Doh intervention.

But as I walked home, I started thinking. . .

Mac’s play doh problem is a ploy for adult attention.  He really started ramping up the obnoxious factor after Teddy arrived.

And if I go marching into the classroom and impose consequences for nasty ass play doh eating, will he even listen to me?

He hasn’t in over a year.

Maybe we should just let this one play out. . .

What do you think?  

Should there be a Play Doh intervention?

4 Responses to “The Intervention: Fucking Play Doh”

  1. ayanti says:

    Hey Deni…I think your first reaction of not giving it to him was a good one. 3 is too young to have an “intervention” done. While my child is an only child they do stuff for attention and sometimes just like to taste squishy stuff.

    I’ve seen a lot of kids nibble at Play Doh during my time as a Gboree teacher and while we do try&persuade them as emphatically as possible it still happens. Maybe you could try and make some edible dough for him at home which he gets to play with, pat down and eat as well and maybe add food coloring to make it for interesting.

    Dunno if if helps or not but I think Mac’s teacher is a bit too :
    “enthusiastic” about getting him to stop a behavior. He’ll outgroa it when it stops being fun.
    ayanti recently posted…It’s A Wormy Friday MorningMy Profile

  2. sarcasmica says:

    My experience with “out of the box” kids is teachers sometimes don’t know how and don’t want to deal with them. They expect the parents to give them all the ideas and follow through.
    However, if this was how it is supposed to be, you’d be getting a paycheck from them, instead of signing a fat check over to them.
    My son was always the problem kid, and my question was always “What are YOU going to do since i’m not here?”
    Good luck! I’m curious to see how it unfolds
    sarcasmica recently posted…A Whale of a TaleMy Profile

  3. Mary Ann says:

    Sounds like you’re doing the teachers job. he’ll grow out of it. I had children in kindergarten who loved the white paste!!!

  4. Jennifer says:

    Seriously?! I have never heard anything so ridiculous in my life! If she can’t deal with a kid who eats play doh she might want to reevaluate her career choice. All three year olds eat play doh as far as I know. Isn’t that the whole point in requiring everything children touch to be so safe that it’s edible?! Start feeding him play doh for lunch. He’ll get sick of it real soon!
    Jennifer recently posted…Radiant Orchid CorsetMy Profile