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“Your Children Have Magnificent Heads”

OF HAIR?

MAGNIFICENT HEADS OF HAIR?!

RIGHT?!!!!!

THESE BOYS HAVE GREAT HAIR!

Nope.

Not.  Even.  Close.

“So Mom, these kids have ginormous heads.  How did that work out for you?  Ouch.”

Said the volunteer at the Patterson Park Pagoda.

Is this even happening?  

What?  

Hold up.

You’ve seen my children and all you can mention is that they have big heads?!

For the record, Teddy DOES NOT have a big head.  

And FURTHERMORE WHAT THE FUCK?!

Her comment left me completely speechless.

Fortunately, Chris. . .Chris of head so small and hair so scant he can wear a youth size ball cap piped up:

“Right?  They have huge heads!  The first one took a while.”

“Well, I’d imagine.”  Said the lady.  “And the damage. . .”

That's a damned kid's size hat he's wearing!!!

That’s a damned kid’s size hat he’s wearing!!!

Please don’t let Mac hear this.  Why must I hear this?  Seriously?  

“Oh,” I said quietly, eyeing Mac to see if he was listening, (He’s ALWAYS listening!) “I’m pretty sure they had the room set up for a C-Section.”

“Pretty sure?” hollered Chris, “Pretty sure?  They did.”

“Bah-hahahaha.”

“Oh,” I mumbled, “Everything came out all right.”

“Literally and figuratively?” queried the lady.

Seriously?  

Seriously?!  

You want to hear about my vaginal trauma?

It sounds like you’re beggin’ for it:

I involuntarily urinate when I snort, sneeze, sleep, and eat.

And I also have little patience for folks who make back door inquiries regarding the state of my vagina or offer commentary regarding the size of my kids’ melons.

Would it be possible for us to just take our freakishly large heads to the tope of the Pagoda already?  Assuming our bodies will support such an onerous endeavor?

Freaking Weirdo.

Youth Hat No