Home » Parenting Fail? Teeing Up A Shitty September. . .And October. . .And FOREVER!?

Parenting Fail? Teeing Up A Shitty September. . .And October. . .And FOREVER!?

BLERGH!!

My mental state is a tangled web. . .

My mental state is a tangled web. . .

My head is spinning. . .and it’s not lack of sleep and copious booze (this time).

Positively spinning. . .

I feel like I just got a gigantic bucket of obligatory preschool activity shit dumped on me.

And what have I done?

sign up.  STROKE CHECK.  sign up.  STROKE CHECK.  sign up.  STROKE CHECK. erhmahgawd we’ll be broke in 6 months at this rate!  Why are these classes/activities so expensive?!  

Overbooked

YEP.

I’m that asshole that wrote no fewer than 30 month’s worth of blog posts fervently defending (at times) my belief that keeping my “baby” in my company for as long as possible was absolutely the best thing for him.

Except he DIDN’T GET THE MEMO!

And now he’s three.

And if he was presented with said memo, he’d demand, “Mommy to write on paper, Mac all done with EVERYTHING!”

I have to admit, I didn’t see this coming. . .

He JUST WON’T engage in any sort of formal educational endeavor I attempt.  He won’t paint.  He won’t write.  He barely even wants to hear me read any longer.  Yes, I’ve tried every trick I’ve read, heard, dreamed up.

He’s still a great kid.  He’s still learning by leaps and bounds.  His manners are improving. . .He’ll soak up every bit of information I know about plants, birds, boats, but it’s becoming very clear, there is a power struggle.

Will he draw a boat?  Will he put on his own socks?  Will he consistently put urine in the toilet?  NO!

Some mornings he demands animal crackers for sport.  I KNOW it!

And then there are his “friends.”  His friends are all going to some sort of formal preK3 program. . .

The kinda’ stuff that requires you to pay out the nose for your kid to get exposed to a few new games, books, skills. . .PLUS all sorts of illness, despite the fact that you provided a 20 gallon bucket of hand sanitizer on top of your non-refundable security deposit and additional “supplies” payment.

Not that I’m bitter.

The past few weeks have been a perfect storm in terms of my parenting philosophy:  I was out of commission for a few days allowing Chris to be the primary caregiver; I had some “adult time” with a few Moms from play group; I realized I cannot motivate Mac to even pedal a bike or put on his own socks. . .

 

He's going to ask me to take off his wet socks when this is all over. . .

He’s going to ask me to take off his wet socks when this is all over. . .

I was feeling a tad fragile. . .

It looked as if Chris was doing just fine without my constant help. . .And after hearing all the play group Moms discuss pre-schools and educational philosophy. . .traditional v progressive. . .(I don’t even know what the fuck that means?!  Does 2+2 equal something different under each method?!)

Well, I was obviously, doing it WRONG.

Mac needs to learn how to pay attention.  He needs to learn how to stop interrupting.  He needs to learn how to deal with other human beings. . .I’m not doing enough!

I’M DOING IT WRONG!

I’m FAILING.

AND THEN. . .

At dinner this evening, Chris mentioned to Mac that perhaps he would  become an astronaut or doctor in the future. . .

And I cringed.

“Please don’t suggest professions to our kids.”

“Well, there’s nothing wrong with suggesting.”

“Actually, we’d have a LOT more expendable income if my own Father hadn’t “suggested” to me I should become an attorney.”

“Well. . .”

“Well what I’m sayin’ is you should work hard to be the best you can be and we should nurture our kids’ strengths and encourage them to work on their weaknesses, without discussing future professions. . .without putting a bunch of conventional societal pressure on them – especially at their ages.”

And then I wondered. . .

WHY DO I FEEL THIS WAY?

Maybe I’m wrong?  (I’m wrong all the time.)  

Maybe Mac NEEDS parental and peer pressure?  Maybe Mac craves more structure?  Maybe I DON’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL MY KID NEEDS?  MAYBE I’M JUST DOING A HORRIBLE JOB PARENTING?

I LIKELY AM DOING  A HORRIBLE JOB PARENTING.

And then. . .

We’re hiking North Point on a beautiful day and Mac runs ahead on the trail, full of energy and vigor and absolute joy, my pricy binocs bouncing against his priceless chest, calling out “Goldenrod! Queen Anne’s Lace!  Pssssh!  Pssssh!  Little blue heron!  Jack in the pulpit has some kinda’ seed or something!  That moth was um. . .Osprey!  Look at all the leaves fly in the wind!”

And I feel sick in my stomach.

I regret signing him up for all those structured activities. . .

Sure, he won’t use a pen. . .

But in his huge, wonderful world, pens have no value. . .no purpose.

And perhaps that’s EXACTLY how it’s supposed to be?

For just a little while longer?

"This is a. . .a. . .?  Poison ivy is turning red and yellow!"

“This is a. . .a. . .? Over there! poison ivy is turning red and yellow!”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

3 Responses to “Parenting Fail? Teeing Up A Shitty September. . .And October. . .And FOREVER!?”

  1. sarcasmica says:

    In my humble opinion, let him be him. He’s still a baby. The fact that he doesn’t fit into a “norm” means you have done a GREAT job, so stop beating yourself up.
    Letting him learn about himself and his own surroundings is the foundation for all things to come.. and they will… RELAX! 🙂
    sarcasmica recently posted…Looking Forward To …My Profile

  2. Ayanti says:

    I know it won’t make any damn difference but- DON’T WORRY. I put 22 month-old in a playgroup for 2 hours a day till he’s reached Pre-Primary 2..dunno the American equivalent…he’s 5 years old now. Stuck with Dinos and dragons and gradually moving onto pirates and Spiderman. Not HALF as inclined towards nature as your Mac or even able to tell his birds apart. If it flies, it’s a bird!

    I think you should put him in kindergarten when the time comes but those few hours when Mac is out of the house will help you spend time with Teddy and give Mac more socializing time with kids his own age, which is invaluable from my pov.

    Barring that the way you’re raising him is commendable. He’ll be running the Audubon Society one day soon!

  3. Daisy Broomfield says:

    Blimey. It looks like you’re doing an absolutely fab job to me. I’m a teacher and I resisted doing anything formal at all with mine before they started school. They have years and years of “education” ahead of them, I reckon letting them to be free to follow their interests and enjoy learning the real life stuff is the best gift you can give them at that age. That said, I did enjoy a bit of one to one time with my littley when his older brother did a few hours at pre-school a week!