Home » Encouraging Early Learning: The Power of Poop

Encouraging Early Learning: The Power of Poop

Children are exhausting.  Teddy won’t sleep anywhere but the pack and play in the basement bedroom.  Mac won’t use a writing implement.  There’s.  So.  Much.  Poop.  And laundry.  

I haven’t slept in the same bed as my Husband in at least a month.

Of course, this is probably a plus, since it makes for very effective birth control and I most definitely have my hands full with just two of these amazing little monsters.

Anyway, let’s talk about Mac’s reluctance to use a pen, pencil, marker, crayon, paintbrush. . .

He’s just not down.

I have tried nearly every trick I know and every trick I’ve read in those annoying click bait emails from the likes of Parents Magazine. . .and Pinterest. . .and all the Learning Party stuff. . .

All of it a HUGE FAIL.

Mac is perfectly happy to LOOK at the paint.  To UNCAP the markers.  But he just WON’T use them.

“Hey Mac,” can you draw me a picture of the Hyatt?” I ask enthusiastically.

“Mommy to draw the Hyatt.  And a dog fountain. . .and balloons.”

“Ok, I’ll draw the Hyatt but after you try to draw some balloons.  You know how to draw balloons. . .an oval and a triangle with a squiggly line, right?”

“MOMMY TO DRAW BALLOONS!!!!” He demands aggressively.

This kid is destined for a supervisory role in his working life.  

“Mac, you need to help.  Here.  Mommy will get you started. . .”

And before I know it, I’m completely neglecting Teddy while I slurp booze and draw 800 pink suckers on the undersides of a primitively sketched Octopus.

The kid is a SUPER effective manipulator err motivator.  

I whine to Chris, “I’m becoming concerned about his fine motor skills.  He won’t use scissors.  He’s completely unmotivated.”

poop tweet

The Tweet was intended to be funny but I was still kinda’ stewing:

I AM NOT EVERYONE’S DAMNED PERSONAL ASSISTANT.  IT’S NOT A JOKE.

Three more huge swills of whiskey later. . .I unleashed on Chris:

“Listen.  Mac wants to do EVERYTHING you do.  You’re his buddy.  He wants to be just like you.  And you know what he does while you’re at work?  While I’m in the basement taking care of the laundry, he yells down the stairs to me in your tone, ‘Deni, can you please bring me um my phone (or socks, or nail clippers or shirt)?’  He learned that from YOU!  HE THINKS I’M SOME SORT OF DAMNED PERSONAL ASSISTANT!!  YOU NEED TO FIX THIS!”

I was angry whispering at Chris in the kitchen, face flushed.

This realization was an affront to my. . .EVERYTHING!

“Relax, Deni, he’s fine.” Chris whispered back, “Just tell me what I’m supposed to be showing him and I’ll do it.”

“He won’t pedal his bike.  He needs to be writing.  And using scissors.  And putting his own damned socks and underwear on.  Can you help with that?  Please?”

“Of course, ” Chris whispered reassuringly.  “Of course.”

The following day, Chris and Mac opted to use some markers.

Mac tried to get all lazy err supervisory as soon as the first marker was uncapped.

I could hear Chris trying to get Mac to draw something.  Anything.

Bahhahahahahaha!  I cackled to myself.   Harder than it looks isn’t it, Daddy?

Then I heard  Chris all excited, “Yes!  Great job.  Can you trace what I just wrote?  Nice work, Mackinley!  Good effort!  I’m impressed.”

What.  The.  Hell?  How?!

I emerged from the basement and began nonchalantly skulking around the table where they were working. . .

Every drawing, every sentence they wrote involved. . .POOP.

Poop Mommy

There appeared to be more creative contribution on Mac’s part when Mommy and poop were depicted in the same illustration. . .??

Poop Mommy Owl

Ah.  The power of poop. . .

And a Father literally willing to draw “that shit.”

I.  GIVE.  UP.

All the crafts I’ve tried?   All the preparation I’ve done?   All the damned effort?

If you need me, I’ll be here drawing turds and slurping wine.

Please send more brown Crayola products. . .

 

 

 

 

 

 

One Response to “Encouraging Early Learning: The Power of Poop”

  1. Daisy Broomfield says:

    This really made me chuckle. Wow I want all your art stuff! That said, my eldest refused to draw/ had a total meltdown anytime he put pen to paper when he was little until I got him one of those magnetic drawing boards- a tomy megasketcher. Once he could instantly rub out what he’d done he was quite happy to give it a try. Now he’s a brilliant artist and loves it. Worth a try, tho no guarantees it won’t feature endless poop pics!