Home » In Which Reluctant Mother Names All The Lego Guys After Alcoholic Beverages And Finds Some Redemption

In Which Reluctant Mother Names All The Lego Guys After Alcoholic Beverages And Finds Some Redemption

Just when I was about to lose my parenting shit and send everyone off to some sort of structured, beneficial, better-than-I-can-provide learning environment. .  .{AKA PRESCHOOL!}. . .

So I could clean up cat barf in peace:  Mac: [Pointing at floor] “You got a. . .a. . .poop?”  Me:  “That’s cat vomit.”  Mac:  “Cat vomit?  Cat vomit!  hahahahahahaha!  Cat Vomit!  You’ve Got A Cat Vomit!”

And because I recently named every one of Mac’s Lego men after alcoholic beverages for my own personal amusement. . .(Hello, Harvey Wallbanger, Dah-ling.  I am digging your hollow yet still shapely Lego quads and the fact that you have a small plastic fist molded just perfectly to hold an actual banger – or shot glass – yum). . .

And because EFF ME, I certain I inadvertently shoplifted 5 gawd-damned bananas from the Harris Teeter. . . .


Yesterday morning, after I spent 4 minutes crawling under my Great Aunt Helen’s sofa looking for Lego Guy herein referred to as Grey. . .Grey Goose Gibson. . .And cleaned up the cat vomit.  . .And wore the baby until he fell asleep for 10 minutes (again). . .and begged Mac to paint but he just licked the paint and dumped water everywhere. . .and constructed him a mock-up of an aquarium for his little plastic aquatic creatures out of cake pans and then begged the kids to please, please allow me 7 minutes to make the beds and scrub the toilets. . .ALONE!

I was kinda’ dreading the rest of the day. . .

So I bribed Mac with a donut to get him away from his mess of an “aquarium” and to the Target and Harris Teeter. . .

And no sooner had we entered the Target, ’til Mac asked to “look at lights.”  (He likes the huge drum lights that are on the perimeter of the clothing sections.)

“Maybe we can look at lights?” Mac queried.

“You want to look at the lights?  We can definitely look at lights, ” I said.

“The light makes a humming sound.  These aren’t like the lights at the Hyatt. You’ve got a light,” Mac giggled.

“Right.  Right.  The light is making a humming sound.  I can hear it.  Are you STILL talking about the Hyatt?  Did you have a favorite light there?”

I was honestly kinda’ mentally checking out on his talking. . .looking at the clothes. . .hoping one of the maxi-dresses would fit me.


“Excuse me?”  Said a woman standing in front of my cart holding 3 dresses.  “Do you mind if I comment on something?”

Sheeeeeeeeet.  “I suppose not.” I said flashing my biggest smile.  Here it comes. . .brace yourself. . .

“I’m an early education teacher.  And the way you are talking with your children makes my heart so happy.  The way you are repeating back everything that he says – re-phrasing it.  You are doing it exactly right.  He’s a good talker.  I’ll bet he has an extensive vocabulary.  I can’t tell you how happy it makes my heart to hear you talking with him.  You’re doing it right.”

Really?  Because you know what it took me to get us here?  I bribed him with a FUCKING DONUT.

Still, it felt a little like redemption.

And then later in the afternoon, while I was doing a few chores in the basement, I heard Mac playing – banging around pots and pans.

When I came upstairs, I found him holding a mixing bowl over Teddy – (another nap ruined) – but he was telling Teddy – “We need three eggs.  And a measuring cup for water.  And be careful with raw eggs.  They’re slippery.”

He was doing exactly what I had said and done the day before when we baked the cupcakes.  He was explaining it all to Teddy!!

And Teddy?  He was smiling at Mac bigger and brighter than I had seen him smile all morning. . .


Reluctant Mother may name the Lego guys wonky drunk names for her own amusement and use donuts as leverage. . .Fortunately, every moment of life is a shot at redemption. . .And when by some otherworldly grace, all the pieces of parenting redemption fall perfectly into place, you smile your best smile, hold tight to your guys – including Grey and Harvey – and keep on keeping on.

This cup "hat" demeans us both, you know.

This cup “hat” demeans us both, you know.






One Response to “In Which Reluctant Mother Names All The Lego Guys After Alcoholic Beverages And Finds Some Redemption”

  1. Ayanti says:

    Deni, am ashamed (quasi) to admit that the main takeaway I had from your blog post is that around the same time I was thinking about a Harvey Wallbanger too. And in the shower no less. I believe my exact words to myself were, “why don’t people serve Harvey Wallbangers these days?”.

    Talk about a lush!

    But on the flip side, as a mom who still hurts because her almost 5-year old who has paucity of vocab and clarity of speech, I am extremely happy that Mac is so communicative and understands so many things. Way to go!