Home » IT’S NOT MY THYROID! The Musings Of A Reformed Fat Ass

IT’S NOT MY THYROID! The Musings Of A Reformed Fat Ass

I was a fifth grade JC Penny “Pretty Plus. “Plus”  denoted extra inches in the thighs, hips, and waist. . .Not the IQ.

So yeah. . .

I’ve struggled with my weight at certain points over the course of my nearly first 40 years.   But come on, who hasn’t struggled with their weight or body image at some point in their lives?

I could write an entire book about the weight-obsessed dysfunction of my youth. . .my fat? or athletic? thighs. . .my middle and high school quest for the slightest shadow of ribcage connecting to sternum. . .my 6th Grade diet rebellions consisting of eating a piece of bread smeared with grape jelly (always very careful to twist the bag tie the same way it was twisted in case my Mother – who was right-handed while I’m left – noticed). . .Anyway, my weight has fluctuated over the years. . .And thanks to a recent diet consisting of mainly of unprocessed, simply prepared foods, and tons of fresh produce. . .plus a LOT of lifestyle (kids!) integrated “exercise,” I’ve lost nearly 50 pounds. . .

That sounds like a lot of weight right?

LET ME PUT THIS IN PERSPECTIVE:  I HAVE NEVER BEEN RAIL THIN (which by the way is a reference to a type of very secretive bird and the way they compress their bodies), NOR DO I ASPIRE TO BE.  I HAVE ACHIEVED WHAT I CONSIDER A MAINTAINABLE WEIGHT.  BY SOME PEOPLE’S STANDARDS, I’M STILL FAT, OTHERS THINK I’M TOO THIN.  STILL MY CURRENT WEIGHT OF 141 IS 20 PLUS POUNDS MORE THAN MY WEIGHT AT HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATION. BELIEVE ME, I’M IN NO DANGER OF BECOMING THE POSTER CHILD FOR TOO-SKINNY ANY TIME SOON.

Conventional wisdom might dictate that I feel great about my weight loss.  True, I feel physically better than I have in at least 10 years, BUT. . . The comments I receive leave me feeling lousy and embarrassed.  

I’m pretty modest. . .So it makes me feel really self-conscious.  Way self-conscious.  Like a loser.

IT MAKES ME FEEL AS IF I WAS DIFFICULT TO LOVE OR APPRECIATE WHEN I WEIGHED MORE.

(And that idea never really crossed my mind when I weighed more.  But now?  What must people have thought of me all those years?  It hurts.)

People say things to me like “Have you had your thyroid checked?”

“So and so saw a photo of you and noticed how much weight you lost and said you are now stunningly beautiful.”

“You look like your old self. . .Like from High School.”

“Are you wearing your high school clothes again?  Cause you look amazing.”

Comments like this?  They are well-meaning, no doubt.  . .but OUCH!

I’m still the same smart, smiling, happy, fun person I’ve always been.  I’m just a little less rotund.

The comments imply not only that I was perhaps an unattractive fat ass but that I just somehow magically lost weight. . .or that I’m sick. .  .(Do you KNOW how much time I’ve wasted Googling the symptoms of thyroid problems?!) . . .

Those comments imply that I haven’t worked hard to make sure I’m healthy and a good example of nutrition and exercise for my family. . .That I haven’t been working slowly and deliberately to alter our diets and physical activity over the course of the past two years for the better.  That I couldn’t possibly make small changes which add up to equal a big difference. . .

I’M CONVINCED SMALL, GRADUAL, POSITIVE CHANGES ARE THE ONLY WAY TO ACHIEVE AND MAINTAIN A HEALTHY WEIGHT.

I’ve discovered something besides my biceps during this little “improved health” journey I’ve been on:  I’ll NEVER comment on someone else’s weight again.

I realize I’m being overly sensitive about this entire situation but there are just so many more valuable qualities one might focus on. . .

As a Mother, I want my children to understand physical appearances are a small aspect of someone’s beauty (and health).    I want my sons to recognize outward appearances can change, that true beauty lies within a person. . .in their hearts and heads.  These are the qualities we should appreciate and lavishly praise.

From now on my compliments will include:  “Your smile/eyes/heart is/are beautiful.”  (With the occasional “You look radiant today” and “I really admire how you have done X, Y, or Z”).

Because really, isn’t that what counts?

Significant Shrinkage. . .But NOT where it really counts.

Significant Shrinkage. . .But NOT where it really counts.

PS – Big Love and Huge props to my ah-mazing Husband, who happily eats a giant salad EVERY NIGHT with dinner, loves me no matter what the scale says, and has always believed in me more than I ever believed in myself.  It’s also really cute when he has a martini and says stuff like “you’re not just beauty, you’re body too.” Or “I like a little meat on my women err woman.”  But most of all, I love that he loves my heart. . .no matter how many ribs he can see on the way to it.  . .

Mmmm. . .ribs. . .