Home » In Which A Hypocritical Bitch Buys A New Stroller

In Which A Hypocritical Bitch Buys A New Stroller

Remember that post I wrote recently about our mattress purchase?  Remember how I mocked my Husband for all the “research” he wanted to do prior to purchasing said mattress?

So, turns out a mattress wasn’t the only “major” purchase we needed to make recently. . .We also needed a TANDEM STROLLER.

Ok. . .Maybe not “we” needed but “I” needed.

Believe me, I have no problem wearing Teddy and pushing Mac.  I can’t even tell you how sublime my thighs are after months of twice daily rigorous outings with the two of them. 

Still, with another Baltimore summer looming, I KNEW there was no way Teddy and I would be comfortable on sweltering July days if he was strapped to me the entire duration of a hike.

And there are still moments during our outings, when I need to forcibly restrain err safely contain Mac.

For the first time, this past weekend,  we started alternating turns in the stroller with the boys and it was working well, Teddy especially loved it,  but for as much as we like to get out and go, and for as hot as the summer is, I KNEW we needed a stroller that could accommodate both boys at once. . .

I’ve known this for a while, I’ve just been ignoring the situation because BUYING A STROLLER IS MIND NUMBING.

There are too many effing options.  And NONE of them seemed to fit what I wanted. . .

What I wanted by the way, was a dualie version of our current BOB stroller but not side by side seats and not exactly approaching an $800 price point.

Don’t get me wrong, I was willing to PAY, but I only wanted to pay for something that was nearly perfect for our needs.  I kept thinking that we were likely only going to need the tandem stroller for a short while until Mac got a little older. . .

I WANTED:  BOB Revolution lightweight frame, super suspension system, durability, compact, not side by side seating arrangement (our front door is pretty narrow), modest storage. . .

I FOUND:  That package doesn’t exist.

And this set me into a 3 month tailspin of indecision. . .because it involved RESEARCH.

And we all know I don’t have much patience for this sort of thing.  I was actually kinda’ angry about it.  I just wanted what I wanted.  I didn’t have the time or the inclination to pour over a bunch of online stroller specifications and reviews.

Except, if I had any hope of getting a new stroller, that was EXACTLY what I was going to need to do.

Last night, feeling very hypocritical for mocking my Husband’s inclination to research things prior to purchase, I started researching strollers.

It was brutal.

I even forced myself to read an online Consumer Reports article featuring tandem strollers.

Oh.  The opinions!  Strollers with the seats lined up one behind another are harder to push.  No they aren’t.  The kid in the rear has a bad view.  No she doesn’t.

They all have crazy names.

I HAD TO GET OUT A PENCIL AND PAPER AND TAKE NOTES, PEOPLE!

About 45 minutes into the whole torturous process, I realized I could spend DAYS attempting to sort it all out.

And something else started to happen:  I started to modify my expectations and requirements.

This could have been due to the beer I began guzzling.

The first thing I did was give up my BOB dream.  BOB just wasn’t going to work.  I had seen their side by side strollers and of course they are awesome but they are BIG.  I knew that sucker wasn’t going to fit out my front door unless it was collapsed.  And I didn’t think it was going to fit in my trunk.

I eliminated the Phil + Ted’s stroller that has the cool little lower seat because I felt like that was kinda’ a less than optimal situation for the kid seated in the rear – especially considering we use our stroller EVERY DAY – often for hours.

All of the side by side strollers were HUGE but I kinda’ liked the idea of having the kids able to interact.  Except they would probably just fight with one another. . .

And then I decided we were probably going to use it for so short a time, I wasn’t willing to pay much more than $600.

Yet, we’re really hard on stuff and I wanted something decent quality. . .

A couple of strollers kept showing up in a lot of “Top” lists I was coming across online. . .One of course was my beloved BOB.  The other one that piqued my interest was a Joovy brand stroller.

Mac has a Joovy Tricycoo and although it is almost entirely plastic, we’ve been pretty pleased with the quality.

Hmmmm. . .could my search be over?

I went to the Joovy website and searched for their “Caboose Too Ultralight” stroller.  The price was nice.  The photos of the children in the stroller were cute and promising.  I didn’t care for the look of the wheels.  . .They looked like hard plastic – not the “for real” rubber tires I’d prefer.

But it says it only weighs about 20 pounds?  It’s super compact. . .And hey look at this. . .the rear seat is removable and there’s a bench and platform for an older kid to sit or stand as they wish. . .That’s kinda’ cool. . .

But those tires. . .They are NOT going to work well on trails. . .

It’s not like you’re kicking BOB completely to the curb, he’ll still be there for you when the road gets bumpy, baby. . .

MAKE A DAMNED DECISION ALREADY.  YOU’VE WASTED ALMOST TWO HOURS READING A BUNCH OF USELESS, COMPLETELY CONFLICTING STROLLER REVIEWS.  YOU CAN ALWAYS RETURN THIS BITCH. . .

How much could it cost to return mail a STROLLER?!  DO NOT BE TOO HASTY!  

I searched for a couple other strollers that made my short list.  Both of them were pushing my self-imposed spending limit.  Both of them seemed fine, I guess. . .?

How does Chris have the patience for this sort of research?  I’m making myself NUTS!

The more you look, the more indecisive you’re going to become.  

JUST BUY THE DAMNED JOOVY ALREADY!  TELL YOURSELF IT’S THE BEST DAMNED TANDEM STROLLER IN THE WORLD!

DO IT!  NOW!  Get this off your to do list!  

I took a big swig of beer, gathered myself and pulled the Master Card out of my wallet. . .

And as I hit the “Submit” button on the order, I sighed. . .

BOB has ruined me for all others. . .