Home » Ending the Bedroom Dysfunction

Ending the Bedroom Dysfunction

So remember last summer when I was trying to figure out the best sleeping arrangements for all of us?


I thought I had a workable set up.

Turns out I was WRONG.  WAY WRONG.

Ever since, we’ve been in a state of mild to moderate bedroom dysfunction.

I’ll admit, some of it was short-sightedness on my part.  I completely failed to take into account what a pain it is to transition a kid from a crib to a bed.

And I somehow managed to forget a whole lot about newborns. . .like they are always experiencing some kinda’ sleep disrupting development. . .and it’s not safe for them to sleep in a room with a crib scaling, snuggle-addicted Toddler. . .

And what I thought was a temporary arrangement:  Chris and I sleeping in twin beds with an infant in a crib next to us, while Mac slept in the other bedroom on the upper level, was becoming way more than a temporary inconvenience.  It was becoming long-term, full-blown bedroom dysfunction.

Some of this has to do with the way the upstairs is designed.  You have to pass through the bathroom to get to the front (big/former master) bedroom and closet.  This allows the rooms to be bigger as there’s no hallway taking up valuable real estate but it’s also made a mess out of our nightly routines.

We were sleeping in that big room with Teddy.  Mac was in his smaller room at the top of the stairs.  Mac is a light sleeper and is averse to having his bedroom door closed.

This means that when we put Mac to bed, we all go to bed.  At 8:30.  EVERY, NIGHT.  There’s no sneaking downstairs to finish chores or make phone calls or watch TV.  Every night, we have to be prepared to be trapped in a bedroom with an infant from 8:00 until 5AM the next morning.

Additionally?  We have to be prepared to NOT use the bathroom pretty much that entire time as well.  We’ve actually gotten Mac awake attempting to sneak a tinkle on a few occasions.  Um.  Talk about pissed. . .literally and figuratively. . .

Now, this whole deal wasn’t such a stretch for Husband.  He likes to be asleep every night by about 10 anyway.  I’m usually awake until about 11 or 11:30.  And I take care of Teddy most nights.  So I was really starting to resent pacing around a bedroom with a cranky infant, losing hours of time I could be spending. . .productively. . .or something. . .while pacing around with a cranky infant. . .

I was beginning to feel like a hostage.  I was a captive in a room that was full of toys and twin beds and other kid-boy crap. . .almost always with an uncomfortably full bladder.

Now, the plan all along was to move the boys to the big room when Mac was ready for a big-kid bed.  Then we’d take the smaller room at the top of the stairs.  This would allow us freedom to go up and down the stairs – to even use the lower level bathroom if needed – without bothering them.

Mac graduated to the big kid bed but I knew I couldn’t put Teddy in the room too just in case Mac decided to climb into the crib with him.

So the dysfunction grew.  And every night I stood at the closet knee-wall, lights dim so Chris could sleep, reading a magazine, bouncing Teddy, trying to keep him quiet, I wracked my brain for a better way.

And I kept coming back to one solution:  Mac had to start sleeping in the big room in one of the “real” twin beds  – NOT his converted crib/toddler bed.  And no matter how tight it was, Teddy’s crib had to fit in the smaller bedroom along with a new bed for Chris and me.

And there was absolutely no reason to not do this IMMEDIATELY.


So this past weekend, I put the wheels in motion.  And at 9PM Sunday night, a truck brought our new mattress and box springs.  And at 7:30 Monday morning when Mac bounced out of bed I took an Allen Wrench to his crib and dismantled it entirely.  And our upstairs looked like some kinda’ mattress grave-yard/crack house.

But I was undeterred.  I was getting  a bedroom I could freely exit as needed if it killed me.  And it nearly did kill me when I over-ambitiously attempted to drag the new box springs up the stairs myself. . .

No matter, we managed to get all the furniture where it needed to be.  Mac was completely cool with sleeping in the big room with his shelves full of fun kid stuff and Teddy certainly didn’t seem to mind his relocation.

I’m working on getting the rooms put back together – moving wall hangings and purchasing new bedding and all that other stuff.  And last night after Mac went to bed, I even managed to sneak up and down the stairs half a dozen times moving stuff around.  IT. WAS. GLORIOUS.

BUT by far, the most angst inducing part of the entire process was NOT getting Mac adjusted as I had feared.  It was sourcing a mattress for us.

That’s right.  A stupid mattress.

It’s been way way way too long since we purchased a new mattress.  But I kept stalling because I knew these sorts of changes were pending and I didn’t want to commit until we were 100% ready.

Mattresses can be expensive.  And they’re a real pain to shop for – especially with two kids in tow.

Saturday afternoon, when I told Chris I wanted a new one basically on demand, I knew I was in for a debate.  Chris likes to research big purchases.  I like to buy first and ask questions later.

Predictably, he said he was going to ask his parents.  They apparently had recently purchased new mattresses from Costco.

“Great. . .this won’t cause any more confusion,” I moaned.  “All I want is the same mattress we had before.  Just new.  I’m guessing it might cost us $700?  It seems reasonable.  It lasted a long time.  Go check the label on the old mattress.”

Chris did check the label and he also called his Mother.  She apparently informed him Costco doesn’t carry spring mattresses only foam mattresses in the store and you have to order a spring mattress and wait for delivery in a few weeks.

“That’s crap.  I’m not waiting a couple of weeks for something we can have delivered in days from a local mattress place.  Plus, um buy local?” I fired at Chris.

“Well, with Costco, you know you’re getting a fair price.”  Chris mumbled.

“A fair price is whatever we think is reasonable to pay for something we sleep on every damned night for the next 3 to 6 years.  Who cares if we might save 50 bucks?”  I was getting all testy.  I AM NOT one to belabor these sorts of purchases – just effing buy something already and be happy about it.

Poor Chris.

He tried.  He called the local mattress place.  He called Costco.  He relayed a bunch of information to an increasingly hostile me.

Turns out mattress manufacturers change the names on their products frequently and no one seemed willing to tell us what the newer model of our old mattress might be called.

Also?  We couldn’t compare apples to apples because Costco didn’t seem to carry the brand name we desired.  And because they didn’t have spring mattress in stock we couldn’t even give them a test run in a store.

Then you have to tally up delivery charges and time it will take to arrive and somehow factor that into the equation. . .

I was on my third beer and my head was about to explode from all the back and forth.

And I can only imagine how Chris must have felt since he was doing all the research.

We tabled the debate for the evening and retired to our twin beds.  And the next day was a complete wash out.  But Mac asked to go to the nature center.  So we did.  And after he satisfactorily terrorized the bobwhite, the opossum, and the fish, we needed something else to eat up some more time.

I suggested Ikea.  We were not too far away.  We wanted to just browse bunk beds anyway for when the boys got older.  It was a huge place where Mac could run half-wild if he so desired.

And as we entered the store, it dawned on me “Hey, I think they sell mattresses here.”

We checked out our options.  Turns out the things were pretty comfortable.  And CHEAP.

“So what do you think?” I asked Chris.  “I think we have two small kids and any mattress we buy is going to have to be replaced frequently.  At this price, we could replace it at least twice as often as the cheapest mattress we could get anywhere else right?  I mean, there’s bound to be at least one barfing or peeing accident right?  We wouldn’t have to worry so much about it at this cost.”

Chris had the ecstatic wild-eyed expression of a  frugal err fiscally responsible man who just found a dream deal.


But you know how Ikea is. . .It’s a pain in the ass.

So we asked an associate for help about how we would go about purchasing one of their reasonably priced magical mattresses and box springs.  The associate seemed almost annoyed by our inquiry.  I’m sure this had nothing to do with the fact that Mac was basically bouncing around their beds like a ping pong ball.

Teddy was getting cranky.  Mac was on the brink of losing it too.

And despite my desire to tell the bitchy associate to jam it, I was desperate for a new bed.  “So let’s just place our order here and we’ll have them pick the stuff from the warehouse and deliver it.”  I said.

“Well, we’d save money if we go to the warehouse and pick it ourselves.” Chris said.

“How is this even up for debate?” I gasped.  “We have two kids with us.  We can’t manage to wrangle them PLUS a mattress and box springs.  You’re out yo damned mind.  No way.”

“Deni, we could save at least $40.”

“WHO CARES?!”  Wait. . .that’s like 60 cheap cans of beer. . .“I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to at least try. . .”

So we shoved Mac in a cart.  I pushed one of those dolly cart things with Teddy strapped to me and we went into the black hole that is the Ikea warehouse.

Ugh.  I had taken photos on my phone of the tags for the items we needed but with Teddy approaching full-blown freak out, I was attempting to feed him a bottle while still pushing the cart leaving me no free hand to operate the phone.

I aggressively shoved the phone at Chris.  “We can still just place an order you know.” I said huffing and puffing from also trying to bounce Teddy in a soothing manner.

By some small miracle, all of the items we needed were in the same aisle.  And while Teddy screamed bloody murder inches from my ear, Chris managed to muscle a mattress and box springs onto the dolly thing.

“Get out!  Get out!  Get out!” Mac shouted attempting to stand up in the cart.  I thwarted his attempts with a pretzel.  “We’re almost done.  I promise we’ll get out really soon.”

We made our way to the check out.


But we soon realized after paying, we had to drag that shit to another area of the store to schedule our delivery.

My pretzel supply was dwindling but I located a few MnM’s for back up while we waited to schedule the delivery.

“Hey,” the guy said.  “We could deliver this tonight.”

“WE’LL TAKE IT!” I shouted over a squirming, screaming Teddy.

We raced back to the car in a downpour.  “Did we just purchase a bed?  With two kids?  By tomorrow night we’ll be sleeping in the same bed again?” I said.

“I think we did.  And even with delivery it was cheaper than Costco’s cheapest mattress.” Chris laughed.

And later that evening as we climbed into our twin beds for hopefully the final time, Chris said, “You know, I was looking online and that mattress we purchased?  It has a really high satisfaction rating.”









2 Responses to “Ending the Bedroom Dysfunction”

  1. Jennifer says:

    We got an Ikea bed a couple of years ago and we love it. Just make sure you don’t flip it like you do with other mattresses (ours is a memory foam mattress). My hubby was being helpful and of course frugal in hoping to make our bed last longer and unbeknownst to me had flipped the mattress. I started waking up with aching hips and shoulders to the point that I could barely walk when I got up. I was seriously contemplating having myself put down. When I finally mentioned to him that I was concerned about the bed (I really didn’t want to be a whiner) I was relieved to discover he was also having trouble sleeping. He immediately went and checked and sure enough he had the mattress wrong side down. Sleeping has been heaven ever since.
    Jennifer recently posted…In Other NewsMy Profile

  2. sarcasmica says:

    God bless them, they think we really care about the research. I’m glad you found a solution!
    sarcasmica recently posted…Birth ControlMy Profile