Home » A Cautionary Tale of Toddlers & Gingerbread: Run, Run, Run Fast As You Can

A Cautionary Tale of Toddlers & Gingerbread: Run, Run, Run Fast As You Can

Bet you didn’t see this one coming. . .

Mac is starting to feel better and everyone else in the house has his germs!  Yes.  Even the baby.

I’m so annoyed.  And tired.  And how did this kid function with a throat this sore?  I gave birth WITHOUT DRUGS and I’m currently terrified to swallow because of the pain it causes.

Ugh.

Also, I need to stop making notes about blog post ideas when I’m drinking.  Notes like “Fuck.  Just Fuck” are surprisingly useless weeks after the fact. . .

Fortunately, I found a few coherent notes which hopefully will help us through this post in my half-dead, congested state. . .

Did that sentence make any sense?  Is that a sentence?

A few weeks ago, when Mac was a rashy mess, I started taking him for walks near the water in the evenings.  The weather was really cold so it was nice to just plop him in the stroller with a blanket and there’s lots to look at that we don’t see everyday.  As an added bonus, the area has a decent amount of retail so if it got way too cold, we could always duck into the Marine, Hardware, or Grocery stores to look around and warm up.

One evening, we ducked in the grocery.  I grabbed some apples and bananas.  And I realized despite being pitch dark and frigid outside, it was barely 5 PM!  My mind reeled at the horror of having Mac bored in the house for the next four hours.

So I started trolling the store for something special for us to do.  During his illness, I had already busted out several holiday surprises in order to amuse him and I didn’t really want to pony up any more of his holiday gifts.

What to do?  What to do?  What to do that I could find at a grocery store?  We had baked cookies several days before.  And I am soooooo over making play doh for this kid.  He treats it like a damned four-course meal.  So gross.

I desperately steered the cart towards the “Seasonal” stuff.  He immediately worked me over for a Reese’s Peanut Butter treat shaped like a tree and I was starting to worry he might want every other over-priced item in the aisle, when my eyes hit upon a GINGERBREAD HOUSE KIT!

I practically squealed in delight.  What a fabulous idea!  We could build a gingerbread house!  Sure it might be a tad messy, but who cares?  It would probably be really fun. As an added bonus, the kits were discounted nearly 50%.

That should have been my first indication to RUN LIKE HELL away from them.

I picked the bigger kit since I knew we didn’t have any extra candies or anything lying around to embelish the house and the bigger kit contained candies and even an actual gingerbread man.

Mac had been reading The Gingerbread Man book so I was sure to hype the whole thing really well on our 6 block walk home.

When we arrived home, I removed our 25 layers of clothing and started to get dinner ready.

Mac of course was fixated on the box sitting on the counter.  Not the actual contents of the box, mind you.  Just the actual box.

The whining and begging reached such a crescendo that I finally took the box to the basement just so we could get through dinner.

After dinner, I braced myself with a strong drink and started unpacking the components of the gingerbread house.

It looked pretty straight forward:  a base, four walls, two roof panels.  A bunch of crappy frosting. . .some decorative stuff.

I started to assemble the house but no sooner had I erected one wall, until Mac lost all patience.

He angrily ripped the wall down.

“Mac!” I said.  “We have to put the walls together and then we can have fun decorating it.  Do you understand?  Mommy just needs to put these two SQUARES and two RECTANGLES together and then you can play with all the fun candies and frosting.”

“Candy?” he queried, anger vanishing instantly.

“Yes.  Candy.  Remember, the gingerbread has a house with gumdrops and lollipops and other goodies?”  I exhaled in relief.

“Here, you can check out the candy while you wait.” I smiled snipping open bags of gumdrops and little star-shaped candies.

He shot out his pudgy little fist greedily – waiting for me to dump some candy in it.

I gave him some teensy little gumdrops.

“Blue?” he asked lining the gumdrops up on the table.

“I’m sorry sweetie.” I said.  “There aren’t blue gumdrops.  We have purple.  Do you want purple?”

“BLUE!”

“They don’t make blue gumdrops.”

“BLUE!  BLUE! BLUUUUUUUEEEEEEE!”

This BLOWS is more like it.

“Honey, there isn’t a blue gumdrop.  I just don’t have one to give you.  There’s no point being upset about it.”

Ahhhhnnd cue the full-blown rage.

Fortunately, I noticed another bag of candy.  This on had little blue dots in it.

“Here.  Here.” I fumbled with the scissors.  “Mommy found something blue.  Blue candy!” I exclaimed tossing one at him like he was some kind of desperate wild animal.  “BLUE!”

But he wasn’t buying what I was selling.  He promptly pushed it to the side and proceeded to flip – the- eff- out:

gingerbread 1

“Oh dear.  Oh DEAR!  This is supposed to be FUN.  There’s no need to get so worked up.”  I exclaimed while shooting Chris a “do something damnit look.”

Chris was slumped in the seat beside Mac drinking a beer eyes glued to a football game, pretending to be oblivious.

I furiously attempted to finish assembling the house.

“Mac, ” Chris said.  “You want to watch Daddy roll out this dough?”

“Chris, I have no idea where my rolling pin is.  And that’s fondant.” I said rolling my own eyes.  A lot of damn help he is. . .

And then Chris improvised:

gingerbread 2

This held Mac’s attention long enough for me to get the walls together.  He grunted at my construction approvingly and pointed at it.

I decided there was no time for a roof.  I slid the house towards him.

He promptly ripped it entirely apart.

Sigh.

“Here.  Look.  We can decorate this stuff with the candies I said globbing frosting on the front panel of the house.  We can decorate the Gingerbread Man too.”

Mac picked up the panel and began licking frosting.  “Mmmmm.  Yummy.”

gingerbread 3

“Yummy.”  I agreed taking a huge bite out of the unused roof.

Mac proceeded to smear frosting in his hair and eat candy for the next five minutes and then promptly declared “Done.  Hops out of seat?”

This?

gingerbread 4

Went straight to the trash.

gingerbread 5

Total amusement time for a toddler including 2 fits and one bite of actual gingerbread man?  13 minutes.

Maybe next year. . .

3 Responses to “A Cautionary Tale of Toddlers & Gingerbread: Run, Run, Run Fast As You Can”

  1. richardmax22 says:

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  2. Shay says:

    I understand! I totally get it! We do the gingerbread house (and ninja, and whatever other kits they sell in the store) every single year and they always suck! But my kids have fun with it…so I suppose I’m a glutton for punishment. This year, my younger son was exactly like Mac, eating all of the candy, while my older son wanted to actually put the house together and decorate it properly. We settled for somewhere in between…by the time the older and I had gotten the house together, about 1/2 the candy remained, and we decorated with that. 🙂
    Shay recently posted…StairsMy Profile

    • admin says:

      I think next year we should just book a vacation. The kids can practically drown one another in a hotel pool while I get stupid on pina coloda. Thank you so much for reading and commenting. I know I’m a horrible blog friend and I enjoy your stuff so much. I’m so far behind. I’ll be back soon. Promise! 🙂