Home » A Completely Bullshit Tale of Two Bears. . .

A Completely Bullshit Tale of Two Bears. . .

Ok.  So I’m not sure I’m going to be able to post here every day until the baby gets a tad older.  He’s a bit unpredictable still in his routine (seven solid hours of sleep last night – whoo hoo!).  I’m going to try my best.

Thanks for hanging in there while we navigated the holidays with a sick toddler. . .who seems to be recovering from his stupid rash and now has a nose that drips like a faucet.  What gives? He’s barely been anywhere to even catch a cold.  But caught he has.

Now we’re spending an inordinate amount of effort reminding him not to sneeze or snot on the baby.  Although, hugging and snotting on the baby is a an improvement to his initial frustrated grabbing and “BABY DOWN!” demands.

Meanwhile, our holiday was rather quiet.  No travel due to Mac’s Hand, Foot & Mouth infestation.  The weather was also a little inconsistent.  So we had a few pretty challenging weeks attempting to keep Mac amused since we couldn’t take him anywhere he might make another small child sick and some days it was pretty freaking cold. . .and dark early.  (Come on SUMMER!)

I understand a lot of parents indulge their children extra screen time when they are sick.  I completely understand.  It helps them stay quiet and restful so they can feel better faster.

And a few days ago as Mac was beginning to play host to the Mucus Monster, and darkness had set in, Chris suggested we attempt to show him A Christmas Story.

“Well, good luck with that.  He’s never going to watch that movie.” I snorted at Chris.

The ONLY TV Mac will watch is the movie The Big Year.

Yes, I’m aware that’s weird as hell.

“I think he’d like it,” Chris said optimistically.

He probably would like it.  What’s not to love?  It’s one of the most perfect movies of all time as far as I’m concerned.

“We’ll see,” I sighed opening us a couple of beers and slopping around the dinner dishes.

Chris headed to the TV.

Mac watched intently as Chris removed The Big Year.

“White donut!”  Mac yelled as Chris flipped the DVDs.

Oh yeah, this is going to go really smoothly.

But Chris brought his A game:

“Mac, this is a movie called A Christmas Story.  And I think you’ll like it.  Do you know why I think you’ll like it?” Chris said all cheerily.

Mac stared intently, eyes flitting between Chris and the TV.

“BECAUSE there’s a BEAR in the movie!”  Chris practically shouted.  “And not just any bear.  A special bear.  It’s Corduroy Bear!”

Mac had been reading a book about Corduroy repeatedly for a few days at that point.

Mac’s eyes light up.

“Oh.  That’s nice.” I snarked.  “There’s not a bear in this movie that even remotely resembles Corduroy.  Why would you tell him that?  I’m not even sure there’s a bear in the movie.  It’s a story centered on a BB Gun forchrissakes.”

Chris ignored me and pressed play.  “Now Mackinley, we need to watch very closely for Corduroy.”

I swilled my beer bracing for the meltdown.

“Big ON!” Mac demanded.  “Puh-eeeeeeeeesssseeeeee.  Big ON! Ok?”

I turned to the sink to hide my smug smile.

“Mackinley, don’t you want to see Corduroy?” Chris asked again in his happy voice.

Chris took his seat beside Mac and began pointing out trains and toys and snow.  Mac was less than impressed but he was tolerating it.

Hmmmmm?  Could this actually work?  Except for the fact that Corduroy isn’t in this movie, of course?  

And then, just minutes into the movie, Chris shouted.  “There!  There!  Did you see him?  Did you see that bear, Mac?!”


I whipped my head towards the TV just in time to catch a glimpse of a pathetic-looking toy panda bear propped up in a toy display.  The panda was (naturally) black and white and had the words “Hug Me” printed on his belly.

I was dying.  There was no way Mac was buying that was Corduroy.  This panda – besides being a panda and not a fuzzy brown teddy bear – wasn’t even wearing PANTS.


Mac looked at Chris wide-eyed.

“Did you see him?” Chris asked already backing up the DVD so Mac to take another look.

“Corduroy?” Mac asked.

“Chris. . .” I started to protest. . .

Chris shot me a look and made a little settle down and shut up hand gesture.

“Mac, this bear.  This bear right here. . .” Chris got up to point to the screen.  “That’s Corduroy’s brother.  It’s his BABY BROTHER.  And he lives with all the other toys.  And do you know what his name is?”

Mac remained silent.

“His name is LINEN!  Corduroy has a baby brother named Linen.”

I nearly collapsed on the floor.  There’s NO WAY Mac’s buying that line of crap.

And then:

“Co-duroy’s baby brother?” Mac asked in astonishment.

“Yes!” Chris said.  “Linen.  His baby brother’s name is LIN-EN.”

“Linen?” Mac repeated.

Oh. Mah. Gawd.  Did that actually work?!  That actually worked!!!

And now?

Now I’ve watched the opening scene from A Christmas Story no fewer than 96 times.

Way to bring your A Game, Husband.

Our little Bear. . .

Our little Bear. . .


"Linen?  Linen is completely bullshit.  Even I know that. . ."

“Linen? Linen is completely bullshit. Even I know that. . .”



One Response to “A Completely Bullshit Tale of Two Bears. . .”

  1. richardmax22 says:

    It is not often, but sometimes us dads stumble onto a good idea.