Home » Friday Funny: Trending Down Towards Your Genetics

Friday Funny: Trending Down Towards Your Genetics

So I’m writing this on my due date.  While doing jumping jacks.  So hopefully, as you are reading this, I’ve had the baby.  Because if there’s anything more miserable than being pregnant at this point, it’s attempting to schedule more doctor’s appointments.

Seriously, they over-book every damned day.

I have to go to two separate offices on Friday for appointments – which will take nearly the entire day.  WHAT GIVES?!

At this point, I’m considering asking for an induction just so I don’t have to deal with all their scheduling conflicts.


Meanwhile, here’s a little chuckle for your Friday:

Mac ended up being a stellar eater when he as a newborn.  He porked up within days of delivery.  He was adorably chubby.

And at first our pediatrician was thrilled.

But a few months into it, we took him for a well baby check and this time the Doc frowned at his growth charts on her computer.

“How much is he eating?”

“A LOT.” I said proudly.  “He’s a good eater.  I had a night where he needed nearly ten ounces before bed.”

“TEN OUNCES!” She roared.  “You can’t give him ten ounces at once!  He’s going to get used to that!  You’ll be over-feeding him all the time!”

Just for the record, as far as I’m concerned, you can’t necessarily over-feed an infant.  If the infant needs ten ounces once in a while, he gets it.  If my kid’s hungry, I feed on demand – as much as he wants.  Around here, you eat “real” nutritious food when you are legitimately hungry.  That’s what healthy people do.  There’s no starving between meals then bingeing.  There’s no emotional eating or restrictive diets or other nonsense.  

Anyway. . .

The Doctor called us over to the growth chart displayed on her computer screen.

“See how his weight’s outpacing his height?”

I could see it.  But it didn’t look like there was a terrifying difference in the trend.  Just a little.

Nothing I would have gotten upset about.  He was a baby. 

“I see it.” I sighed.

“Well,” said Doc, “We need to keep a close eye on this.  I’m looking at you and your Husband and I just don’t think the potential for height is there. . .”

She would be correct on that one.  Both of us are average in our height.

“Children at some point ALWAYS start to trend down towards their genetics and we don’t want him putting on too much weight.”


Chris and I laughed and laughed at that line after we left her office.

“You know, I used to be stupid enough to believe that somehow my eyes would get irreversibly crossed while I slept.” I admitted.  “I used to spend a bunch of time a night when I was a kid opening and shutting my eyes just to make sure I was looking forward.  Our kid is probably going to trend down to my stupidity.  I’m sorry.” I roared.

“And there was that time I taunted my sister until she chucked a shoe at me.  And even though I saw it coming, I wasn’t agile enough to get out of the way.  Hit me square in the face.  So Mac’s probably going to trend down to being a mean, fat kid with horrible athletic ability.  May fault too.”  I chuckled.

“He’s going to start over-eating out of shame for his genetics.  It’s a terrible cycle.” Chris said shaking his head.

Fast forward to the SECOND kid.

Last Friday, I had an ultrasound.  They did the routine checks for fluid levels and heart health and then since they thought it was probably going to be my last ultrasound before delivery, they measured the baby.

The technician returned to the room after reviewing the images with the Doctor.  “He looks to be a perfectly average seven and a half pounds.”  She said.

“Oh GOOD!” I said relieved.  “He’s been so busy and pushy in there, I was worried he was considerably bigger than our first.”

“Nope.  He’s 49th percentile.  Perfectly healthy.  Perfectly average.”

“I LOVE average.” I laughed.

I returned home and told Chris everything looked great.  “And they measured the baby.” I said.

“Has he started to TREND DOWN TOWARDS HIS GENETICS ALREADY?” Chris asked laughing.

“Well, they did say he has very little hair.” I laughed.  And laughed. . .

My poor balding Husband.  





4 Responses to “Friday Funny: Trending Down Towards Your Genetics”

  1. As the mother of three late-ies, I’m sending you “get the f@ck out of that womb NOW” vibes. xoxo
    nothingbythebook recently posted…It’s a game: what’s your totem animal? And what’s mine?My Profile

  2. Shay says:

    “Trend down to my stupidity”…I LOVE that! I haven’t had much time to blog hop lately, and I sure did miss you. Hope you have that baby soon!
    Shay recently posted…Bird PoemMy Profile

    • admin says:

      Thanks! I miss you too. I’m weeks behind reading other blogs. I should just admit I’m horrible at it. I keep telling myself after this baby gets here, I’ll make some sort of a plan to read and comment on other blogs more. We’ll see. . .