Home » A Cautionary Tale of the Young and Impressionable. . .Complete With Colossal Toilet Training FAIL

A Cautionary Tale of the Young and Impressionable. . .Complete With Colossal Toilet Training FAIL

Late last week, we were at the playground minding our own business when a preschool group of about 15 three-year olds swarmed the joint.

These germy little bastards are growing on me. . .And Mac.

He shrieked in delight seeing all the kids run towards him and the playground equipment.  He’s still not completely interested in involved playtime with others but he’s definitely interested in casual interactions at this point.

A little boy approached Mac.  The little boy was bundled up in a winter jacket and stripped knit ski cap.

Mac smiled at him and then screamed in his face “WICKED!  WICKED!”


Fortunately, the little boy laughed and ran past Mac.  Mac gave chase continuing to scream “WICKED!”

Where did he learn this?  What did he mean?  I didn’t think he was actually being MEAN.  But I couldn’t figure out what would prompt him to scream such a thing.

Then it CLICKED.  Mac uses an app on our phones called Toca Band.  I LOVE the Toca apps (in moderation) and I’m not comped to say that.  I think they are imaginative and engaging.

Toca Band involves creating your own music and rhythms using a menu of cartoonish characters who make different sounds.

One of those characters is a kid in a ski cap and sunglasses who continually shouts “WICKED!  Bring the beat back.  On the bass!  One more time!  Fresh.  WICKED!”

Mac obviously saw the little boy in the ski cap and connected the hat to the character in the app. . .and appropriately (or potentially inappropriately) responded with “WICKED!”

Perfectly innocent.   Yet if I caught another kid screaming “WICKED” at Mac, I’d definitely wonder WHAT THE HELL?

Sometimes I forget how young and impressionable he is.  He doesn’t miss a trick.  And he has no filter.  So he parrots back whatever he damned well pleases.  Whenever he pleases.

I’m living in terror at what he might say or do next.  

We have a book called Barry The Fish With Fingers.  This is one of Mac’s current favorites.  And I was willingly reading it just under a million times a day until one day Mac looked at me and said “What’s YOUR problem?!”

Charming, no?  NO!!  Hell no!  It wasn’t charming.  It was OBNOXIOUS.  And it’s a direct quote from the book.  That’s just grande, now not even children’s books aren’t safe.

Recently, Chris thought it might be a good idea to have Mac spend some supervised time using our laptop.  Mac has always been interested in it and Chris decided perhaps he should learn how to be “gentle” with it.

Of course, our laptop is BORING.  Our 2.5 year old couldn’t care less about our tax returns or this blog.  So after Chris showed him some pictures of birds, he cued up iTunes.

Our library contains a few music videos. . .and these?

Mac thought these were the bees’ knees.  He squealed in delight as Alan Jackson & Jimmy Buffett sang It’s Five O’Clock Somewhere.

“I do awesome working on ‘puter!” Mac shouted pumping his fists victoriously.

DSC_0187 - Version 2

That’s hilarious, I thought to myself.  . .

UNTIL I caught him attempting to recreate all the moves the bartender does in the video ala the movie Cocktail. . .AND the choreography from Beyonce’s Single Ladies video. . .while NAKED!

That was not nearly as hilarious.  

"All the single ladies. . .All the single ladies. . .

“All the single ladies. . .All the single ladies. . .It’s Five o’clock somewhere. . .You want a cocktail?

And speaking of  impressionable (and naked). . .I have completely botched the toilet training!  This kid thinks it’s HEEEEE-LAR-EEEE-OUS to pee on the floor.

Quite possibly because he peed on the floor and I laughed at him. . .at least twelve times err twice.  

So now, EVERY TIME we remove his pants, he lets loose as fast as he can emptying his bladder all over the floor, laughing hysterically screaming things like “Don’t tinkle on the floor!” and “Pee pee goes in potty!”

And I’m immobilized by my own stupidity. . .and awe over the capacity of his little bladder.

Let this be a cautionary tale:  BEWARE!  

Children impressionable little bastards. If you’re not careful you too will find yourself raising a frequently pants-less, rhythmically challenged Beyonce-immitator who pisses all over your floor. . .

And when you ask him what he’s doing?

Well, he’ll look at you dead in the eye and say “What’s YOUR problem?!”

Of course he will. . . 

"If you liked it, then you shoulda' put a ring on it!"

“If you liked it, then you shoulda’ put a ring on it!”

2 Responses to “A Cautionary Tale of the Young and Impressionable. . .Complete With Colossal Toilet Training FAIL”

  1. Rick says:

    Why is it that little girls would never even think about doing such a crude act? I guess it’s a man thing that is in our genes from birth. When around 4 years old my son thought it funny to take a dump in a display toilet at Lowe’s. We didn’t wait around to see how much humor the employees found in his act.

    • admin says:

      I was a little girl and have sisters. We probably did think of doing such crude things but only on the sly. Boys always seem much more proud of their “accomplishments.” I’m laughing so hard about your son. It’s so wrong! Classic.