Home » My Darling Husband: Obnoxious Man-Child

My Darling Husband: Obnoxious Man-Child

BIG EXHALE!

Ahhhh.  Monday. . . .

I know the Internet is buzzing with messages by Monday haters.

I used to be one of you.  I remember. . .

Then I became a Stay At Home Mom.

And weekends feel just like every other day.  .  .EXCEPT, on weekends, I also spend a considerable amount of time mediating conflicts between my GROWN-ASS HUSBAND AND OUR TWO-YEAR OLD!!!!

I. AM. NOT. JOKING.

They bicker.  A lot.

My Husband seems to take great pride in being a bit of a tormentor.

Mac is a stubborn, very particular about things, set in his ways toddler.

It’s an explosive combination.

I can’t even urinate without a conflict erupting.

Freaking savages.

Yesterday, after a super-fun time at the nature center, we ran to Target to get just a few items.  Seriously, the list was maybe seven items long.   Unfortunately, the items were all scattered across the store, making it necessary for ALL of us to traipse through the entire joint.

Mac consented to being placed in the cart.  Always a nail-biting experience.  Chris was in charge of wheeling him around while I raced through the place throwing stuff into the cart so I could get us home in time for lunch and nap.

Things were going pretty well until I placed four new Dr. Brown’s bottles in our cart.  We had a lot of bottles in good shape from Mac’s baby bottle days but my nephew was still using a few so I figured I’d just grab a few extras.  They’d get used for sure.

Mac saw the bottles and became very excited. . .And his curiosity was only further flamed when I removed a bottle from the box to make sure they contained Level One nipples.

Mac wanted to “SEE!”

And what harm could he really do?  So I hurriedly tossed the partially opened box containing three bottles at him and proceeded to race towards the grocery section.  I managed to get the sugar and vinegar and made a beeline towards the coolers to grab some milk.

I didn’t browse.

I didn’t deviate.

I walked rapidly down one aisle, grabbed the milk and booked it back towards our cart.

Unfortunately, it was just enough time for Mac to get two bottles stuffed in his mouth.  And for Chris to decide he was going to forcibly remove said bottles.

Naturally, Mac protested loudly.

And I found myself standing there asking Chris why the hell he would do that when I onlyhadtogetsomedamnedrazorsandwhatwasthebigdealreally?! LEAVE HIM ALONE! Ijustwanttogetoutofherewithoutafit!

It’s like having TWO children.  

Later that afternoon, following a rather harrowing nearly missed nap, we decided to take Mac swimming.  Somehow Chris’ swim shorts missed being laundered so I suited up my porky pregnant self to swim with Mac while Chris carefully selected a bunch of sand molds and shovels from our stash in the yard. . .

A little too carefully I would soon realize. . .

We hit the beach and Chris commenced building a large sand castle.  “I never really got to build sand castles as a kid.” He said.

And as it turns out, Mac wasn’t really keen on Daddy building sand castles as a nearly 40-year old man either.  Mac had his own ideas about how the sand molds should be utilized and SURPRISE!  Another conflict and fit ensued.

Mac stood on the nearly empty beach wailing.  Chris proceeded to form a large moat and fortress wall half laughing at Mac’s protests.  I stood knee deep in the water begging Mac to get over it and for Chris to “Grow up and give him the damned shovel already!” While a group of 25 folks having a picnic watched the entire fiasco with great amusement.

Nothing to see here, folks.  Just a mortified pregnant lady enjoying this fine beach with her son and man-child!  

Gunpowder 9-6

And late last evening, after I had battled soggy towels and sandy shoes and a dinner consisting of THIS:

Spittled Pipit

(They are screaming “Pipit!”  A kind of bird.  Notice the large decorative bird Mac has placed smack in the middle of  his dinner.  Ugh.)

I stupidly suggested to Mac that he and Daddy play trains for a few minutes while I took care of a few chores.

Daddy LOVES to play trains.  He builds elaborate track set ups and is a huge fan of crashing the trains as fast as they can go down the tracks.

Mac?  All he wants to do is place ALL the train cars on the track, join them up and slide them back and forth calmly and slowing.

Daddy of course, takes great delight in crashing things into Mac’s train, knocking it off the track and causing much disenchantment on Mac’s part.

After reminding Chris about 23 times it wasn’t REALLY his train set and Mac was only two and we NEEDED to be calming down and preparing for bed, it occurred to me:

CHRIS IS THE YOUNGEST SIBLING. . .

And no matter how old he gets, HE WILL FOREVER BE AN OBNOXIOUS LITTLE BROTHER.

I CANNOT believe I agreed to have ANOTHER actual kid with this man-child!  

Thankfully, man-child is gainfully employed and I Heart You MONDAY!

 

 

 

 

 

 

6 Responses to “My Darling Husband: Obnoxious Man-Child”

  1. OMG my husband does the same thing with our 6yo daughter! His behavior mimics hers, and has for the last two years!! I don’t get it! Can’t he be the ADULT and talk to her like we want her to respond instead of being a sarcastic ASS?? GAH!! I am SO exhausted raising three kids and their father!!
    The Next Step recently posted…How to Use Humor to Alleviate StressMy Profile

    • admin says:

      Ha! I feel your pain but I know you have so much more on your plate with more children. I can’t even imagine what’s going to happen in the future. They all grow older but not UP!

  2. Dani Ryan says:

    Bahahaha! Fortunately, my husband is still afraid of breaking our daughter, so he gives into her pretty easily. HA! But I hear you about Mondays. I packed so much stuff into the weekends when I have an extra set of hands around here, so I’m usually complete zonked by Monday!

    • admin says:

      I wish Chris was sometimes more fearful of “breaking” Mac! They are like some kind of wild pack of wild monkeys – wrestling around, running through the house like buffalo. If it keeps up, I’m going to enroll them in a parent/child gymnastics program. . .see how they like THAT!

  3. Joanna says:

    Are you sure your hubby is only married to you?? My hubby is also called Chris and displays very similar behaviour!!
    Apart from the ‘sibling rivalry’ with our 6yr old daughter, he constantly aggravates her to the point of tears &/or tantrums.
    His lack of regard for her emotional well-being has me baffled – but then he has a very immature and under-developed ability to connect emotionally with anyone.
    He works hard, is a great playmate (sometimes!) and a good provider. Although I also work, do 90% of the child-rearing/parenting and keep house.
    I don’t want or need grand genstures of romance or appreciation, just some domestic harmony and thoutfulness would make me fall in love with him all over again on a daily basis … I live in hope …

    • admin says:

      Oh dear! I just saw the funniest quote from George Carlin: “Here’s all you have to know about men and women; women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” That sounds about right. . .

      Obviously, your Chris loves you and your daughter very much. They just can’t help themselves!

      Hang in there! And NEVER give up hope! At the very least his antics will make for great stories someday.

      Kind regards, and thank you so much for reading and commenting!