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Taming The Tyrranical Toddler

I’m going to confess something. . .

When it comes time to get the kid awake every morning, I’m nervous as hell.  Some mornings my stomach is in knots.

Why?

BECAUSE HE’S TWO AND FICKLE AND WE HAVE PROBLEMS COMMUNICATING SOMETIMES AND GAWD IF I SCREW IT UP, THE REST OF THE DAY COULD BE RUINED!!!!  RUINED!  DO YOU UNDERSTAND?!

Crazy.  I know.

I know all too well. . .

He’s a scary lot just like ME!

Anyway, I attempt to get every day off to a stellar, meltdown free start because it really does seem to set the tone for the rest of the morning.

You'll do what I demand, and you'll like it.

You’ll do what I demand, and you’ll like it.

Yesterday, when I got him awake, things seemed fine.  He asked if we could swim but I told him I thought we’d go see trains instead and he seemed cool with that.  He smiled at me, grabbed his wubbies, Suddy, and Groody, and motioned to be lifted from the crib.

We proceeded downstairs and he asked for “some milk.”

Simple enough.

Then we shared some Cheerios.

While we were eating Cheerios he started demanding “choc milk.”

Chocolate milk doesn’t really trouble me all that much so I’m usually willing to offer it up if he asks for it.  I mix it myself – weakly – with real dark chocolate syrup so it’s not completely HORRIBLE nutritionally.  And he honestly doesn’t ask for it all that much.

But this particular morning, I really wanted him to eat a few more bites of Cheerios and plain milk before giving into his demands for the choc stuff. . .and I told him such.

Which caused quite a bit of frustration on his part.

But I was hanging tough.  “Just a few more bites?” I coaxed.  “Please.”

“Screen!  Screen!  Screen!!!!” He began shouting.

“Oh.  That’s a new word.  Where did you learn that?” I asked.

Seriously, where?

His face began twisting up in anger and frustration.

“SCREEN!!” He yelled pointing at the refrigerator.

Conveniently enough, we have a small TV on top of the refrigerator. . .

“Yes!  That’s right!  TV Screen.”

Although, he doesn’t dig television at all so I was still quite puzzled.

“Hops in SEAT!  SCREEN!  SCREEN!”  he replied frantically.

“Sure.  We can hops in your seat,” I smiled.

I picked him up and he took a swing at me.

TIME OUT.  Two minutes of incessant cry-screaming “Screen.”

After time out, I placed him in his seat and started to make the chocolate milk. . .

BECAUSE THAT’S WHAT HE WANTED BEFORE HE STARTED SCREAMING NONSENSE ABOUT A SCREEN AND I DON’T HAVE A PRESCRIPTION FOR ANXIETY MEDS, AND I’M KNOCKED UP AND CAN’T DRINK AND MOTHEREFF I’M TOO DAMNED EXHAUSTED TO HAVE THIS MORNING GET ANY MORE FRUSTRATING FOR EITHER OF US!!!

“Screen!”

“Right, screen,”  I mumble as I open the refrigerator door to return the milk and chocolate syrup back.  “See, unfortunately Mommy isn’t really clear on what you. . .”

And that’s when I saw it:

WHIPPED CREAM!!!!!

All this time he had been screaming for cream.

Who recently introduced him to the wonder that is chocolate milk topped with whipped cream?

HIS FATHER.

Of course.

Shameless video of  no-longer irate toddler happily being served excessive amount of whipped cream for breakfast:  Less Screen, More Manners, Please

 

 

2 Responses to “Taming The Tyrranical Toddler”

  1. ooooh, the rottenness of miscommunication. I feel for you – I hated this stage of near-constant frustration.
    Now I just have to figure out what cheeky blossoms are and why they have eyeballs on their knees! (oh, the wonderful imagination of a 3yo)
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    • admin says:

      In some respects, I’m so excited to see what Mac’s imagination has to offer. . .But then sometimes I interact with a slightly older child who – like you mention – is yammering on and on about something like cheeky blossoms and I’m clueless and can’t follow and I wonder if he’s going to just annoy me to DEATH? hahaha.