Home » Didya Miss Me? Let’s Commence With Our Usual JUDGEY Bitching, Shall We?

Didya Miss Me? Let’s Commence With Our Usual JUDGEY Bitching, Shall We?

After a week of gearing up and getting out, we made it back from the beach and the Eastern Shore in one piece.  Lots of fun.  Mac was an excellent traveler and even did pretty well sleeping in an unfamiliar environment.  The weather was nice.  It’s rather disappointing that I did all that work and we spent all that money and I don’t have one damned thing to bitch about. . .

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Fortunately, I didn’t spend ALL my time in the past week lounging poolside. . .

I REALLY need to start doing my hair and using make up. . .And maybe stop eating entire pans of brownies!

I REALLY need to start doing my hair and using make up. . .And maybe stop eating entire pans of brownies!

Here’s the part where I judged other parents despite my honest intentions NOT to. . .

At some point early last week, Mac and I ventured to the big playground in Patterson Park.  The weather was great but because it was the middle of the morning, the place wasn’t crowded.  There were maybe eight adults and 16 or 20 kids total.  Most of the kids were under the age of five. . .In fact, I’d say 75% of those kids were under the age of three.

But like most two and three-year olds, they were all insistent that they play on the “big kid” sized playground equipment.  And this meant the adults needed to actively supervise them to make sure they didn’t take a nasty fall or otherwise hurt themselves on playground gear that was likely designed for children ages six and up.

Mac also made a beeline for the big-kid gear.  I waddled my huge pregnant ass after him towards his favorite “bouncy bridge” and proceeded to stomp on it violently while attempting to avoid giving myself a black-eye with my ample bosoms.

It was during this initial bouncy bridge stomping that I noticed two things that greatly detracted from my experience (and don’t worry, they are not boob-related):

1.  There was a nearly nonstop screaming, screeching, squawking, and hollering going on – most of which was directed at someone named Gabby.

2.  Smoke.  So much smoke.

Now, at first I thought Gabby might have set the playground on fire.  (Which would have made her my all-time hero).

But after observing the situation for a few minutes from my vantage point of the nauseating bouncy bridge, I figured out Gabby was not actually torching the playground.

Turns out Gabby was an adorable and precocious two or three-year old quite eager to explore the entire playground at breakneck pace.

This was unfortunate for all of us, because Gabby’s parents appeared to be more interested in sitting on a park bench while screaming at her to “knock it off!”  “Watch out!”  “Get off of there!”  And “Don’t do it!!”

Sigh.  

But who am I to judge?  Everyone needs a break.  Maybe Gabby had been awake since 3:30 AM and the adults had just sat down for a rest before I arrived.

It wasn’t my place to judge Gabby’s parents.

But I really wanted to.  Their incessant screaming was really obnoxious.  

No sooner had I promised myself I would keep an open mind about Gabby and her lazy-assed parents until I realized her Father was the source of all that smoke I was smelling.

Not only was Gabby’s Dad sitting on the bench like a useless slug, he was chain-smoking!

Look, I used to smoke. . .Never chain smoked and never in a playground mind you. . .but still, I get it.  And I’m not completely wiggy about my kid occasionally being in an outdoor area where there’s a little bit of smoke.  My kid’s fortunately very healthy and a few minutes of exposure to a cigarette-scented breeze isn’t a huge issue for us.

Seriously, though, would it be so bad to march your lazy ass a little further away from the playground gear?  Or maybe at least let the last cigarette you smoked extinguish itself before lighting another?  It’s a little MUCH. . .even for a reformed smoker who would  still sometimes KILL for a cigarette with her cocktails or coffee. . .

I.  WILL.  NOT.  JUDGE.   THESE.   PEOPLE.

But truth is, I kinda’ hate them.  I can’t help myself.  Poor Gabby.  

And then Gabby took off like a shot towards the smaller playground equipment, completely out of sight from her parents.

This prompted enough alarm from her sit-shouting Mother to rise from the park bench and start screaming “Gabby” at a decibel I’ve only experienced at live rock concerts.

That’s when I noticed Gabby’s Mom was so pregnant I have no idea how all that screaming hadn’t effectively ruptured her membranes.

Gabby’s Mom moved as rapidly as she could in Gabby’s direction.

The Dad?  He lit another cigarette, “She’s fine,” he shouted  after his pregnant wife.

It’s on now buddy!  I’m judging you SO HARD!!

GET OFF YOUR ASS AND HELP YOUR WIFE!!!  I DON’T CARE HOW TIRED YOU ARE.  I DON’T CARE IF BOTH YOUR LEGS ARE BROKEN.  SOMEHOW YOU MANAGED TO MUSTER UP ENOUGH ENERGY TO PROCREATE WITH THIS WOMAN.  TAKE SOME DAMNED RESPONSIBILITY!  MAN UP, YOU LAZY DOUCHE-BAG SLUG!!!

Maybe it’s my own pregnancy that made me so sensitive to this woman’s situation?  Maybe I was just really jealous of his cigarettes?  Whatever the reasons, it took every ounce of restraint I had not to kick him in the teeth.

Fortunately, Mac was rapidly losing interest in the playground scene.  As we prepared to leave the playground, I watched another mother grab Gabby just before she went walking off an open space on the large playground equipment (a six-foot drop to the ground).   Apparently watching those events transpire was so stressful for Gabby’s Dad, he light another cigarette.

As I walked away, I felt very thankful to have such a responsible Husband. . .I also felt guilty for judging Gabby’s parents.  I’m sure they were doing the best they could.  . .

Although, if I ever see Gabby’s Dad again, he might be doing the best he can with a few missing teeth. . .

 

Toddler "properly supervised" on the playground. . .Daddy only bounced him off the bridge once.

Toddler “properly supervised” on the playground. . .Daddy only bounced him off the bridge once.

 

 

 

 

2 Responses to “Didya Miss Me? Let’s Commence With Our Usual JUDGEY Bitching, Shall We?”

  1. Rick says:

    Great story. Because of other obligations I have been away from my blog. Am now trying to catch up on my favorite blogs, you and your husband being at the top of my list.

    • admin says:

      Thank you! I’m still so far behind myself. I think everyone takes blog breaks during the summer. I’ve been reading your blog posts when they hit my email box but haven’t commented in a while. I’ll get back to it! I’m enjoying every post. 🙂