Home » Can You Just Leave My Placenta Alone ALREADY?!

Can You Just Leave My Placenta Alone ALREADY?!

Shee-us . . .

I’m so sick of this pregnancy.

It doesn’t have anything to do with the fact that I haven’t had booze in at least 27 weeks.

It’s not the poor sleep or the fact that I’m certain this kid somehow manages to stick his arm OUT of my uterus into the birth canal at least 16 times a day.

It’s not the constant need-to-pee sensations – which when ignored ALWAYS lead to actual pee while squatting, sneezing, or breathing.

It’s not the searing heartburn or swollen toes. . .

It’s that these damned doctors have an unhealthy obsession with my PLACENTA.

Sick freaks.

If you recall a month or so ago, I had an ultrasound which showed that stupid flapjack of a temporary organ was lurking dangerously close to my cervix.

And this prompted in the ultrasound technicians a Pavlovian response which lead to their excited salivating at the prospect of doing more scans, test, and the like.

And I politely declined because I was in the hurry and not in the mood to be treated like a lab rat that day. . .and because if there was something out-of-place, I couldn’t fix it anyway.

But every week since then, I endure an ultrasound where the technician sets her sites on my cervix and squints at the blurry images. . .making measurement after measurement.

And I hold my breath wondering what the hell their fascination is because really  WHAT GIVES?!

And every week, I basically ask “What gives?”

And much to my amazement, every week I get a different answer. . .

Some weeks it’s most assuredly NOT the placenta but a “leak.”

Other weeks, it’s a vein or some sort of vascular tissue.

This past week?  A blood clot.

None of those things sound particularly wonderful.  But each week, they always assure me, it’s “perfectly normal” and I shouldn’t worry.

Except I do worry.

Because if it’s nothing to worry about WHY ARE THEY SO DAMN FASCINATED BY IT?!

So last Friday, after my fav ultrasound technician, Sarah diagnosed a harmless and perfectly normal blood clot, I had to politely call bullshit.

“Look, Sarah, every week, I come in here, I’m told that blurry chunk of dangling placenta is something different.  But every week, I’m told not to worry about it.  So I’m sure you understand I am worried about it SPECIFICALLY BECAUSE NO ONE SEEMS TO KNOW WHAT THE HELL IT IS!”

“I’ll page the Doctor,” Sarah offered.

“Well, I’m not really interested in seeing the Doctor.  I mean I don’t want to bother them.  I’d just like to know what exactly it is and if it’s going to cause a situation where we know I need a C-section, I’d like to prepare for that as soon as possible since we have the little guy at home and I’m going to need to line up the reinforcements.”

“Oh, it’s definitely not placenta so you won’t need a C-section for this. . .” Sarah assured me.

“But we don’t seem to know what it is?” I asked.  “Or you think it’s a blood clot but last week it was a vein. And the week before that it was hell, I can’t even recall what it was that week. . .”

“Wait here, ” Sarah said, “I’m going to page the Doctor.  It shouldn’t take long.”

So I waited.  Feeling a little stupid.  Because it seemed silly to page the Doctor for something I shouldn’t be worrying about.

And I waited.

And waited.

And peed twice.

And just as I opened the internet browser on my phone and started to Google “Placenta Blood Clot,” there was a knock at the door.

And in waltzed yet another Doctor I had never met before.  Where do they all come from?  Don’t they know there’s no money and a TON of liability in obstetrics?  She seemed harmless enough.

“I’m sorry I had you paged,” I said.

“No, no.  It’s okay really.”  She assured me.  “I looked at the pictures.  And I’m pretty certain that spot is actually just part of the amniotic membrane – which obviously should be there.  There’s nothing to be alarmed about.”

“Well. . .it’s just that every week I’m told it’s something different but harmless and I’m not sure why we can’t give it a rest already?”

“We are watching it way more closely than we typically would simply because you are here every week. . .” she admitted.

“Well, could you knock it the hell off?” I asked her smiling sweetly.  “You’re making me nuts.  And if I need a C-section, I’d like to know as soon as possible.”

“Oh, you shouldn’t need a C-section. . .not for this. . .at least. . .”

I have another ultrasound Friday . . .

ANYONE WANT TO GUESS WHAT THESE CLOWNS MIGHT TELL ME IT IS THIS WEEK?!

Vanishing twin anyone?

 

2 Responses to “Can You Just Leave My Placenta Alone ALREADY?!”

  1. Rick says:

    If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a hundred times….Damn, I’m glad I wasn’t born a woman!

  2. […] something everyone kept assuring me was “nothing to worry about.”  Even though, they clearly had no idea what it was. . […]