Home » Keeping Perspective: Is that. . .A TURD?

Keeping Perspective: Is that. . .A TURD?

Apologies for flaking yesterday.  I got awake at 4:30 all cranked on ripping the stuff out of our upper kitchen cabinets and cleaning them really well and re-organizing them.

Mac has now graduated to outsmarting-the-childproofing on the kitchen DRAWERS too so anything that could pose a danger there needs to be relocated. . .Where do you hide your knives?!  I’m horrible at outsmarting a two-year-old! 

Anyway, that’s the sort of project that once you start, you MUST finish BEFORE the kid gets awake, otherwise UGH.

So I wasted a bunch of time on that yesterday morning, neglected the blog, and was rewarded by Husband proclaiming loudly that he “Didn’t even know where the peanut butter was!” last evening.  Apparently he found it because he left some of it smeared on the freshly scrubbed cabinet doors.

So, yeah, it was a great use of my time. . .

Meanwhile, today is the day I typically do the weekly cleaning. . .because you know, clearly these chores are immensely rewarding and I get all kinds of thanks for keeping us from teetering off the edge into disgusting squalor. . .

And because I had a dream I returned to work outside the home this morning and was awakened by the sound of grinding my own teeth, I have to do something to keep this decent gig I’ve got goin’. . .

Perspective is important.  And it’s a good thing I had that little dream because as I’m preparing to clean, I NEED it.

Everywhere I look, I find things that closely resemble turds.  It looks like a turd factory exploded all over my house.

So gross.  

So gross I’m sharing. . .

turds 8

What’s this I spy from the crow’s nest?  Did that parrot take the term poop deck literally?  Do I touch it?  It has to be raisins.  Has. To. Be.  But why didn’t the dog eat them?  Actually, that logic won’t work, the dog would very likely eat turds too. . .even those made by a plastic parrot.  Verdict?  Last nights’ pre-bedtime snack:  Raisins.

turds 6

Hmmmm. . .it looks as if the turd fairy had an unfortunate collision with our radiator cover.  Where did THIS come from?  Maybe that elephant figured out how to “scoot” across surfaces in the dead of night?   What is this?  Did we get a feces-flinging primate I don’t know about?  Oh wait.  We do have a toddler.  It’s well documented they are indeed feces flinging primates. . .Let’s just have a closer look. . .Crouch down. . .Face inches from offending smear. . .Verdict: Chocolate frosting from Chris’ birthday cake.

turds 3

Oh dear.  This one is extremely problematic.  It’s on the sofa slipcover.  And there’s a cat in close proximity.  It could be the real deal. . .but if it was, the cat likely wouldn’t be sleeping beside it.  Or would he?  He’s extremely lazy.  The slip cover needs washed.  In bleach.  Does it really matter what the origin of this mess is?  Verdict:  High probability it’s ice cream sandwich since we usually eat our ice cream sandwiches on the sofa but I’m not willing to get my face close enough for a definite id.

turds 9

What the hell?  That’s disgusting!  It’s in the basement so I can safely eliminate the kid, dog, and of course myself as the perpetrators.  This is going to require a Clorox wipe or ten.  Gag.  Gag.  Eww.  Ick!  Verdict:  Massive cat furball barf.

I have to fetch the vacuum and put the slip cover in the dryer so let’s review:

1.  Craisins look less like poop than raisins but they are loaded with extra sugar so prioritize accordingly.

2.  If you allow your toddler to eat ice cream sandwiches on the sofa or birthday cake while wandering all over the house, be prepared for the consequences.

3.  Cats are hogs. (So are dogs, toddlers, and sometimes Husbands).

4.  No matter how environmentally friendly you try to be with washable rags and vinegar and baking soda cleaning supplies sometimes you just need a Clorox wipe. . .or ten.

5.  Perspective is important.

XOXO, Deni

PS – Seriously, where do you hide your knives?!  





3 Responses to “Keeping Perspective: Is that. . .A TURD?”

  1. Rick says:

    With kids and animals in a house, not to mention husbands, the possibilities are endless.

  2. […] award for grossest thing in my in-box goes to Deni the Reluctant Mother at Den State: Keeping Things in Perspective. I won’t spoil it for you. Read it. Gag. It’s a rare blogger who can outgross the […]