Home » And Now We Are Two. . .So You Can Go To Hell!

And Now We Are Two. . .So You Can Go To Hell!

I thought I was ready. . .I honestly did.

Because of my own notoriously difficult behavior as a baby. . .and kid. . .and adult, I assumed I would be creating another ridiculously head-strong, stubborn, sleepless little person.

But instead, what I got was a generally happy, good-sleeping, mostly compliant little guy.

The next one is going to kill us isn’t it?

Then he turned two.  

And it’s ridiculous.  

This kid has developed a hair-trigger.

My sweet little baby boy is suddenly a 2 foot 10 inch walking, talking, ticking bleeping time bomb.

He goes from my adorable happy Huggy Bear to ugly red-faced freak-out monster in a fraction of a second.

Happy Huggy Bear. . .Patience is NOT his super power.

Happy Huggy Bear. . .Patience is NOT his super power.

There’s no telling what will set him off.

It’s the TERRIBLE TWOS.  .  .And the entire world can go to hell!

Which, anyone with a toddler knows, is actually a very short trip as you’re practically on its doorstep most of the time anyway.

Fortunately for us, Mac is at least relatively manageable during the 27 minor-meltdowns he experiences during his waking hours.  He doesn’t hold his breath until he’s blue, he doesn’t make himself sick, and often he moves past his frustrations quickly.  We also work pretty hard to make sure he has a very consistent daily routine in terms of meals and sleeping – which helps a lot.

But the kid is two. . .and he’s still a hot mess. . .

Because I suggested he dip his apple slices in peanut butter.

Because I suggested he dip his apple slices in peanut butter.

Because we gave him cake and sang Happy Birthday.

Because we gave him cake and sang Happy Birthday.

Because his Grandparents gave him a tricycle.

Because his Grandparents gave him a tricycle.

Because he asked to get out of the stroller and I said YES.

Because he asked to get out of the stroller and I said YES.

Because he asked for Raisins and Craisins and I gave them to him.

Because he asked for Raisins and Craisins and I gave them to him.

I spend a decent amount of my time trying to rationalize with a two-year old.  I explain.  I try to provide alternatives or compromises.  I apologize for being sooooo clueless.  I try to demonstrate resiliency and even tempermant myself.  Of course, there are times when I have to explain something is not negotiable and brace myself for the ensuing fit.

Parenting isn’t as fun these days as it used to be. . .but if he’s going to make it to three without a experiencing complete existential crisis, I have got to keep my shit together. . .

And possibly get a line of credit at the liquor store. . .

There are liquor stores in Hell right?   

How do you manage your toddler’s frustrations?


12 Responses to “And Now We Are Two. . .So You Can Go To Hell!”

  1. Meredith says:

    OMG! Story of my life, except that mine is only 18 mos right now! Mine is particularly fond of rolling around on the floor while wailing to express her displeasure.

    And, is that a black lab in the kitchen picture? If so, my daughter’s buddy is a black lab too!

    • admin says:

      Mac started ramping up at about 18 months too. But now he’s really racing towards his full fit-throwing potential.

      Why do they do that? Why do they ALL drop to the GROUND?! And then they make themselves completely limp or rigid so they are impossible to move, reposition, comfort.

      Seriously? There has to be a reason for it, right? Did little Caveman babies drop to their cave floors when they threw tantrums because it was safer or something. . .avoiding being devoured by a dinosaur? WHAT?!

  2. Just wait til he becomes a “threenager!” x
    Daisy Broomfield recently posted…That’s all folks!My Profile

    • admin says:

      Thanks for commenting! I was thinking about the three when I was writing this post. I’ve heard many people mention that three is very challenging too. I LOVE the term “threenager”! I’ve never heard that one before. 🙂

  3. Mary Ann says:

    Response from an old lady: this is practice for the teen years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Shay says:

    I’m with Meredith–going through the same thing with my second! Ah, they’re sweetly stubborn, aren’t they?? 🙂
    Shay recently posted…It’s a Last-Minute Father’s Day GIVEAWAY, Skanksters!!My Profile

    • admin says:

      All you can do is laugh. As you well know, it passes. Yesterday, he was all sweet and kissy, lovey. . .They are indeed sweetly stubborn.

  5. Dani Ryan says:


    I am so with you on this one.

    We’re going through the terrible 2s over here too, and my trip to my parents’ place, where I was supposed to get a break, has been a total bust. I cant even pee in peace, and I’ve been setting my alarm for 6 am so I can shower before The Princess gets up so as not to rock the boat any more than it’s already been rocked. 🙂

    Funny story for you. A friend once told me she saw a mom at the mall with a 2-year-old kicking and screaming on the floor in a full-blown temper tantrum. And do you know how she handled it? She put a sign in front of her child that said, “temper tantrum in progress” and then just stood behind her and waited. Genius, right?!

    I’m so sorry you can’t drink right now. I have no idea how you get through your days…
    Dani Ryan recently posted…Are you the mother you wanted to be?My Profile

    • admin says:

      I LOVE the idea for a sign!

      Just the other day I was thinking I should try to draft something that would say I’m TWO and contain a bunch of hilarious fine print and disclaimers on it. . .have it put on a T-shirt for the kid. . .as a warning.

      Last night we had to go to a funeral, and Grandpa came to watch Mac. Mac was in a snit early on and as I crept upstairs to get dressed, I was praying he didn’t haul off and clock poor Grandpa.

      I never dreamed I would be worried about my kid hitting his Grandfather! That’s a two-year old for you.

  6. Meghan says:

    Your post reminds me of this guy: http://reasonsmysoniscrying.tumblr.com/
    So when the meltdowns add up, I just have to stop and remember, I’m not alone in this – parents are dealing with the terrible two toddlers all over. We’ll get thru it! Sometimes we coddle, or try to reason with them, or even just ignore their fit and hope it passes… who knows which method will work and sometimes you have to run thru them all to realize still, nothing works. 🙂
    Meghan recently posted…Before & After: Haircut EditionMy Profile

    • admin says:

      Yes. Thank site cracks me up! You’re definitely not alone. And just trying to understand how frustrating it must be for toddlers to know what you want but not be able to effectively communicate it. . .or to be continually bossed around by adults, helps me keep my cool. It will pass. And then before we know it, they will be teenagers. . .bigger kids with BIGGER problems. Ha.