Home » Friday Funny: Freshly Squeezed!

Friday Funny: Freshly Squeezed!

Okay. . .before I show you what made me bust out laughing this week, let me briefly address two things:

1.  I got a comment the other evening from someone who might not have completely “gotten” this blog.  This is primarily a humor blog.  A humor blog about parenting and my other misadventures.  Most of it is meant to be light-hearted and entertaining.  Yes, I sometimes post serious content or “rant” for reals.  But mostly, if I’m ranting or complaining or “judging” someone, it’s for everyone’s amusement.  I love my readers and I appreciate comments – thoughtful, funny, and yes, even grumpy ones – but I just want to warn you, if you don’t like random, ridiculous, snarky, sometimes profanity laced content, YOU SHOULD FIND ANOTHER BLOG.

2.  Along the same lines, if you are the person that landed on this blog by searching for “Mommy my ten inch pee pee is hard,” you probably should find another blog too.  (Although, I’m not going to lie, I cracked up at your sick ass!)

And here we go with the Friday Funny!  

You might recall my sister has a sick  little freak of a dog that has a latex fetish.  He’s obsessed with balloons.  If they are in the house he can SMELL them and goes bonkers.  He also really really enjoys all sorts of plastic.   Crunching empty plastic water bottles is his favorite pastime.

You also might recall, my sister and brother-in-law welcomed their first baby in January.  Now, this dog of their’s was the “baby” long before the kid ever popped out.  In fact the dog is almost exclusively referred to as “Baby Gus.”

"Baby" Gus

“Baby” Gus

As you might, imagine, the dog had some adjusting to do after the baby arrived.

In fact, when I was there in early February, the poor little bastard LOOKED clinically depressed.  The poor thing.  You could see the defeat and pain in his eyes.

Fortunately, the dog has a mainly sweet disposition and is REALLY good with the baby.

HOWEVER, I’m beginning to wonder if he’s not just a TAD passive aggressive?  Because as gentle as he is with the baby, he seems to be venting his frustrations with a massive plastic baby gear destruction binge.

For weeks the texts poured in reporting the damage this dog was exacting:  6 pacifiers, 3 baby bottles. . .

Forchrissakes!  Where is this dog’s sense of self-preservation?  He’s a MINIATURE DACHSHUND!!!  He’s going to end up with an intestinal obstruction!

And then I got a text containing THIS:

Breast Pump

Yes.  The dog attempted to destroy a breast pump shield.

Why is it duct taped you might be asking?  Well, my sister lives in a somewhat rural area.  So it’s not like you can just pop into the nearest Babies R Us and pick up some new gear.  You have to ORDER it.  And while you wait for the $36 express shipping, the baby still needs to eat. . .So there you go.

Sister:  “I’m telling you, that duct tape will rub you raw!”

I can only imagine. . . .



9 Responses to “Friday Funny: Freshly Squeezed!”

  1. That is funny. What a great way to wake up. Once you need to duck tape your pump, it is time to rethink your life. hahah. Very creative in the fixing though.
    Delia Fairchild recently posted…I am having an intervention for my dirty carMy Profile

    • admin says:

      I’m glad you enjoyed it! My poor sister. Like breast feeding isn’t already hard enough! LOL.

  2. LOL. I get you. Always. But you know that.
    nothingbythebook recently posted…It’s good to be loved. Sob.My Profile

  3. Oh my! I have a few people finding me through really odd searches too… makes me think I’m not doing quite good enough a job on SEO.

    And OUCH! That’s some doggie. Hopefully baby gus will adjust. Or it might be painful for all.
    Anita @ Losing Austin recently posted…This Week’s RandomsMy Profile

  4. Jennifer says:

    Ahhh! Minnie Daschunds. Thankfully ours is only obsessed with tennis balls which we conveniently forgot to pack when we moved into our new house. And thankfully the old home owners never owned tennis balls otherwise he would be pathetically staring at the spot where he could smell that one had touched. Have you ever seen a minnie daschund carry around a full sized tennis ball? Ridiculous, I tell you.
    Jennifer recently posted…Planting PassionMy Profile

    • admin says:

      They crack me up! Gus does play with tennis balls – and tries to play with even bigger ones. That dog has no idea my cats make bigger poops than him. He thinks he’s the size of a great dane, I swear! He struts around. He’s got serious swagger. Ha.

      It’s hilarious that you moved and let his tennis balls behind. Poor thing! Was he devastated? Or has he found a new obsession?

  5. Meghan says:

    Oh dear! Maybe I should be glad we don’t have any pets!
    Meghan recently posted…Halfway to a 5K!My Profile

    • admin says:

      I love pets, but they really are a pain! You should enjoy your time without them. . .I’m sure at some point Avery will want SOMETHING that creates messes and discontent. Ha! Have a great weekend!