Home » I Am NOT Your Child’s ENTERTAINMENT!


Yesterday, we did what we always do:  Took a long walk in the park and went to the playground.

Before I get to the point of this story I just want to mention I was THRILLED to see that the Spot-A-Pots are back in the Park.  A sign of spring as sure as the Eastern Phoebes, Golden Crowned Kinglets, and Robins actively buzzing about.  I have discovered that I can just manage to get the stroller into the Portajohn with me and still have adequate space to take care of business.  This is SUCH a relief. . .literally.  I cannot stop thinking about how wonderful it is.  I could NOT have asked for anything more.  (Seriously.  That’s how pathetic my existence is:  Filthy public Job-Johnnies make me shout from the roof tops with sheer joy!)

Ok.  Let’s press on with my story shall we?

We went to the playground, which as one might expect on the first positively beautiful spring morning our region has seen, was crawling with kids.

I guess the first indication this wasn’t going to be a good experience was the fact that Mac clung to the stroller and once removed, tried to crawl back in it twice.

But subtlety is often lost on me so I pushed him along, “Let’s go play!  Come on!  Look how fun!”

He eyed me skeptically, threw his fists on the ground, and demanded his “milk!” I gave him his Sippy and started strolling towards some playground equipment.  Finally, conceded, drug himself off the ground and toddled a few steps behind me to a the toy that looks like a boat that spins in circles.

He started to warm up to the idea and soon he was running around Sippy firmly clenched in his teeth.  No other children were “bothering” us. . .just how we like it.

But we made the grave mistake of approaching the smaller slides.  There we were greeted by a lanky little girt with beautiful Daryl Hannah hair.

“How old is he?” She queried.

“He’ll be two in May.” I said.

“So he’s one?”

“Yes.  He’s still one year old.  How old are you?”

Ugh.  I should have remembered what I learned in law school regarding cross-examination:  Never ask a question you don’t already know the answer to. . .That was all the encouragement she needed.

“I’m in Kindergarten and my teacher is Ms. Pierce and I like school but we’ve been on spring break because of Easter and we had an egg hunt inside the house yesterday because it was raining and I found a golden egg and my Aunt Kim said that meant I was going to be rich but I only got $5 and my cousin Ryan found the other gold egg and he didn’t get rich either and I got a lot of candy and I put it in my pockets but I don’t know where all the chocolate candy went because I can’t find it anymore.”

I have a damned good idea where all your candy went.  Jesus. Come up for air, Kid.

“Well that’s all very exciting stuff.” I smiled at her sweetly.

Just then Mac went tearing across the playground to the larger equipment meant for older kids.

Perfect.  Get. Away.  

I went racing after him, feeling a little rude about just leaving her in the dust like that after she practically told me her life story but really, tell it to someone who cares kid.

I snag Mac by the collar and we proceed at a more reasonable pace towards the “wing idg” (the swinging bridge).  But no sooner had I set foot on it until I heard her. . .

“He should be on the baby playground.  This playground is for the older kids.  He’s still a baby.  But there were older kids on the baby playground the other day.  Really older kids.  Sometimes I go to the baby playground because I like the little thing that spins.  But really older kids shouldn’t be on the baby playground ever, right?”

Mac was making a move towards some stairs, and the wayward girl was still in hot pursuit gibbering nonsense a mile a minute.  I craned my neck every-which-way looking for her parents or caregiver.  There didn’t seem to be a responsible adult in sight.

She’s SIX damned years old.  Where are her parents?!

By now, my annoyance and lack of patience is compounded by the fact that I’ve dressed too warmly for the spring weather and I’m sweating profusely.  But if I take off my jacket, everyone will see the paint-stained hole riddled T-shirt I’m wearing so I have to keep on my jacket.

I can’t shake the kid.  If we stop short, she literally, runs into my backside with her face.  I don’t even like when my dog does that, let alone someone else’s child.  And let’s not forget the sweating. . .

Mac stops at the metal pipes you can rattle to make sounds.  She thrusts her hands above his and starts shaking them wildly.  “This is how you do it.”

He makes a move for the playground feature that looks like a bunch of different cogs and gears you can turn.  He hesitantly places a hand on them, and again she thrusts her hand above his turning them wildly.  “This is how you turn them.”

So far, I’m astounded by Mac’s patience.  He’s keeping his cool much better than I am.  I cannot believe her parents or a supervising adult hasn’t intervened and asked her to just give us a little space already.  My eye is starting to twitch.

Then Mac decided he wanted to go down the “big curly slide.”  It’s one of those types that spiral down towards the ground and since it’s part of the “big kid” playground, Mac needs a grown up to go down with him.

However, there was a blonde boy about four years old sitting cross-legged at the top of this slide.  He glares menacingly at me and Mac, “This slide is CLOSED!”

“That’s my little brother.” The girl pipes up.

How ’bout you tell your brother to stop being a little turd and move?

“Oh, that’s nice.” I sigh, warily scanning the adults at the playground for anyone that might be genetically related or at least partially responsible for the menaces.  “Let’s pick another slide, ok Mac?”

Mac bolts to the big slides, with annoying girl in hot pursuit.  “You want to race?  We could race?  I know I’ll win because he’s a baby and he’ll go slower than me.  Let’s race!  Do I win anything?  Is there a prize?”


After our trip down the slide, I was done.

I mentioned a cookie to Mac and he practically sprinted back to the stroller.

After I got him situated, I glanced at my phone.  We had only been there 16 minutes. . .but it was all either of us could handle.

I started to push the stroller towards the playground gate and noticed the girl’s little brother trailing behind us.  Why is he following us?

I left the playground and closed the gate.  I took a few steps and glanced back.

He was opening the gate and LEAVING THE PLAYGROUND!!!

I stopped to watch him since it was probably NOT advisable for him to be wandering around the park unattended.

I noticed him head towards a tree.


She gave him a drink of water and kept on yapping away barely making eye contact with him.

It took every once of restraint I had not to turn around and kick her stupid teeth in.

Look, I get it.  You need a break.  You need to take care of personal matters. . .Maybe make a phone call?  Children are all-consuming.  I completely understand that.  And yes, your children weren’t completely terrorizing the playground but SERIOUSLY LADY?!  You aren’t even IN the playground with your 6 and 4-year-old children?!  YOU ARE HIDING BEHIND A TREE EASILY 25 YARDS AWAY FROM THEM!  You couldn’t even see what they were doing from that vantage point.  It’s been at least 15 minutes!  THAT IS COMPLETE CRAP!  YOU SUCK!!!

It might be WRONG, but I AM JUDGING YOU!   I AM NOT at the playground to amuse or correct your children.  I  am NOT at the playground to worry about why your unattended four-year-old seems to be wandering aimlessly out of the playground unsupervised.

Get your stupid ass into the playground, supervise your children.  I’m not even asking that you PLAY or INTERACT with them, I’m just asking you do the BARE MINIMUM required to NOT be a NEGLECTFUL PARENT!

Am I wrong?  Shouldn’t she at least have been IN the playground?  For her own children’s safety?

I hope that daughter of hers doesn’t shut up for three days straight about how she played with Mac at the playground.

She deserves at least that much and then some.  







6 Responses to “I Am NOT Your Child’s ENTERTAINMENT!”

  1. she totally should have been IN the playground. I would never judge someone for having a phone conversation while their kids played as long as there was eye contact every once in a while. good grief, she might as well have left them there while she went home to take a nap!
    The Next Step recently posted…B is for Bat Crap CrazyMy Profile

    • admin says:

      I know! I actually think taking the time to make a quick call while the kids play is a good option. You don’t have to amuse or be fully engaged with your children every blessed minute. However, I didn’t care for the fact that she essentially wasn’t even present. That playground has a gate on the far side that opens to a pretty busy street. Someone could have wandered off very easily into a dangerous situation and she would have NEVER noticed from her vantage point. And I’m pretty sure the phone call wasn’t dire. She appeared happy and completely relaxed – not as if she was dealing with a serious situation. . .of course, I’d probably look pretty relaxed too if I took my kids to the playground and let other parents keep an eye on them. HA!

  2. Robin says:

    I can’t stand it when someone else’s kids won’t stop talking to me. Then again, I dream of the day when my kids are happy playing all over the playground without requiring me to play with them or be right next to them.
    Robin recently posted…Things I wonder about: ShoesMy Profile

    • admin says:

      It will be nice when they can amuse themselves. But you would stay in the playground area with them right? Right? ha!

  3. zee says:

    Sounds to me like that girl is probably.used to interacting with adults who like kids and are interested when she talks. 25 yards is a bit far but if.you aren’t a helicopter parent you probably don’t have to worry about a four year old running into the street. You give them a little autonomy and they respond with independence. Clearly he knew where she was, he went and found her. He’s four, not two! Diverting your discomfort at having to talk to a six year old at the playground to judging her mother’s parenting is a little immature don’t you think? You’re a grownup. If a kid is irritating you you can do the grownup thing and tell her ‘thats nice but my son and I would like some alone playtime now, thanks!’ Instead of ranting about a kid TALKING to you at THE PARK on your blog. Are you serious?

    • admin says:

      Lighten up, Francis! 🙂

      This is primarily a HUMOR blog so no I’m NOT totally serious.

      Do I think the Mother SHOULD have been at least within eyesight of her children at a busy downtown Baltimore playground which is directly adjacent to a very busy street? Yes. Even if they were 10, she should have at least been able to see them in my opinion.

      Do I really think she’s a horrible human being, that her son is “a turd” or that her adorable daughter is really THAT annoying? Of course not! It was supposed to be funny.

      I’m sorry if I offended you. Really, it wasn’t a serious post – very few posts on this blog are.