Home » In Which Sour Cream Nearly Causes The Kid To Have A Nervous Breakdown

In Which Sour Cream Nearly Causes The Kid To Have A Nervous Breakdown

DSC_0110Do you think toddlers know when they are acting like a jerk?

I mean when I was a kid, I recall being able to recognize that I was behaving like an asshole. . .not that it stopped me. . .sometime around the age of four.  Yet I’m not sure what the state of my self-awareness was prior to that.

I’m asking because lately this kid has been a real ass about his food.  And I’ve been maintaining my patience with him – telling myself he’s teething, and he’s a toddler, and he doesn’t understand.

Yet, if there’s any chance he does understand that his behavior is supremely frustrating and completely ridiculous, I want to be sure to properly document everything so I can give him a horrific guilt trip about it in his later life. . .That is what Mother’s do right?

Yes, he’s getting teeth and I have little doubt that he’s very uncomfortable at times and honestly, most of the time he’s a real trooper, despite the discomfort.

Yet, our meals have become a bit of a pain.  It’s not that he’s a picky eater.  In fact, he’ll eat almost anything. . .but only if HE feels like it.  And as hard as I try, it’s virtually impossible to anticipate what this kid might desire to eat at any given meal.

One minute he’s completely boycotting home-made vegetable soup with whole wheat pasta but a few short minutes later, he’s demanding pieces of uncooked whole wheat pasta from the canister to gnaw on plus some frozen corn for good measure.

And this might sound a little selfish, but because I just want to eat myself without choking or suffering horrific heartburn, I gave it to him.

Even though the sound of his little Chicklet sized teeth grinding on uncooked pasta made my skin positively crawl.

I thought perhaps this would be a teachable moment. . .As in – Only ding dongs eat uncooked pasta and freezing cold corn.  Trust me, what Mommy offers is better so shut it and eat already.

I was sadly mistaken.  He mowed down that uncooked penne like some kind of voracious rodent.

Since he’s healthy and typically eats a variety of foods, I am always tempted to just let him chuck a fit about his dinner and not offer other food.  BUT we end up paying for his hunger come bed time.  The kid just doesn’t sleep well if he’s the slightest bit hungry.

This creates a dilemma for me:  Do we all tough it out so he learns to eat what’s placed in front of him or do I essentially become a short order chef for a 30 inch tall tyrant?

I really do not care for either option so I have been putting a lot of effort into meal planning – fast, relatively healthful, attractive to kid and sometimes us too.

Last evening, I made what I thought would be a teething-toddler friendly meal.  Some cheese and potato perogies with a warm cabbage and apple slaw plus sour cream for dipping the perogies.

I was pleased that he willingly went to his high chair as I was dishing up dinner.  I had high expectations for this meal.  (I mean what kid doesn’t like some sort of “dipping” activity included with his meal?!)

I placed some food on his tray and went through the theatrics of handing him a fork and explaining what we were eating.  I even pretended to grind some pepper on his food just like we do.

He was all smiley and giggling.

With optimistic exuberance and great flair, I added a small dollop of sour cream to the tray.

His face instantly sobered.  He eyed the sour cream and then looked at me suspiciously.

“It’s good.  Really.  Here, look, you can dip your dinner in it.  Isn’t that fun?” I coo at him.

He hesitantly stuck one pudgy index finger in the sour cream.

And went completely bat shit crazy!

He was wailing and there were tears and his face was red.

I rushed to wipe the sour cream off the tray.

Just wiping up the offending dairy product wasn’t adequate.  This teaspoon of sour cream had apparently ruined the entire dinner.

He screamed as I attempted to entice him to eat some perogie.  Or apple.  He screamed while Chris ate some of his own dinner going on and on about how delicious it was.

He screamed until I threw two half-shredded slices of dry, whole wheat bread at him like he was some kind of animal at the zoo.

And as I ate my own sticky cold perogies – without dipping them in sour cream for fear it would set him off – I swear he shot me a look that said I OWN YOU!  

I own you, Devil Woman.

I own you, Devil Woman.

So, today I’ll be updating my resume to include “short order chef for 30 inch tall tyrant.” Sigh.

No Responses to “In Which Sour Cream Nearly Causes The Kid To Have A Nervous Breakdown”

  1. Oh, I so feel your pain with this! The Kid is NOT a good eater. Actually, that’s not true. She eats a fair amount, but she only eats a few things. After months of cooking about 9 different things for her at every meal, I decided I could either continue until I was taken away in a straitjacket, or just stick with the things I know she likes. I went with the latter. So she has fruit and some sort of carb for breakfast, a grilled cheese, peas, corn, and fruit for lunch, and 2 pancakes, peas, corn, and fruit for dinner. I also throw in goldfish crackers and rice cakes along the way. That’s it. That’s all she eats. By my mom and my MIL think she eats a lot, and I’m too embarrassed to tell them she doesn’t get much variety! I do try changing things up now and then – eggs, chicken, etc. – but she always refuses the stuff. She’s also picky about texture – no bananas, avocados, potatoes, fries, etc. for this child. They make her gag. And since she has a tendency to choke and puke at dinner ANYWAY, I’m just not taking my chances!!!

    Sounds like Mac is just going through a phase. Take lots of videos to use for guilt trips when he’s older… 😉

    • Deni Lyn says:

      Yet another thing I NEVER even considered before I had children! I knew some children were picky eaters but I just figured if you introduced variety early and often, they’d come around. But it’s so much more infuriating than that. Ha!

      If I could figure out what exactly he would eat consistently, probably like you, I’d feed it to him a lot! But after a few servings of just about anything, he lodges a boycott. Right now, grilled cheese, mac and cheese, warm eggs, and apples are OUT! I can almost always get a cold egg in him a day – but only the egg white never the yolk! Broccoli and cucumbers are typically acceptable. He used to eat tomato stuff but that doesn’t seem so magical to him any longer. And for a while, he wanted shrimp, then refused, but the other night he at a massive quantity of it!

      This morning we are trying lightly butter wheat toast sprinkled with cinnamon and sugar with a hard boiled egg and a pear. We’ll see. . .

      At least if he doesn’t manhandle the toast into a completely disgusting soggy blob, I know I’LL enjoy eating his rejects!

      • You are so amazing with offering variety. The problem is that I don’t enjoy cooking, and don’t really know how. So I’m not imaginative with it, and I don’t think of different ways to tempt her. When she kept throwing everything on the floor after I spent so much time preparing it, I thought, “to hell with this” and just started giving her the same things over and over. It’s much less painful for me this way. But probably not good for her. But as I get some veg, fruit, dairy, and carbs in her all day, I figure we’re doing pretty well.

        Never thought of the idea of cinnamon and sugar on toast. Then again, she won’t really eat toast or bread anymore, except in grilled cheese format. And while she once loved pasta, she is offended at the site of it. And rice makes her choke. And cucumbers, tomatoes, and anything mushy (banana, sweet potatoes, fries) makes her gag. She won’t even eat crackers or cookies unless she’s desperately hungry. And forget about yoghurt, chicken, or ice cream. She even threw up her bday cake, but that was a texture thing (icing).

        I wonder if I’ll ever be strong enough to exercise the “this is what’s for dinner” rule? Pfft. Even though I’m sarcastic as hell, that kid has me wrapped around her little finger more than her father…

        • Deni Lyn says:

          I have to admit, as creative as I am, he’s had me stumped in recent weeks. I look at the fridge and all too often go for a hard boiled egg and raw veggies as a snack because I know he’ll eat it. Aside from the egg and some yogurt and sometimes beans, he’s completely boycotting any form of protein. . .meats and even veggie/soy versions. He doesn’t even seem to want a little schmear of peanut butter. And that makes me nuts because I’m certain he’d feel more full if he’d eat just a little more of these items.

          I guess they go through stages although it’s a bummer she doesn’t like slightly mushy stuff and is picky about texture. That makes it even more impossible! I’m certain as long as she gets things from various food groups routinely it’s perfectly healthy. I was toying with the idea of offering Mac a fruit smoothie to see what would happen thinking it would be filling before bed. . .but I’m always deterred by the potential for an unholy mess.

          I’m still throwing all sorts of food at the kid when he rejects something. He’s too young to understand and I can’t deal with the consequences of his hunger!

          Keep doin’ what works! I’ll bet she’ll be eating sushi in no time. 🙂

  2. Yeah, meal time is a real three ring circus around here – and at least one plate goes flying off the table EVERY day

    • Deni Lyn says:

      What’s that phrase parents of multiples don’t appreciate? “Better you than me.” (Although I’d happily take a few more!) I would imagine meals are quite an event in your home. I love reading your tweets in the kids’ voices. They are a hoot!

  3. richardmax22 says:

    They play us like a fiddle, don’t they. My 14 year old grandson eats nothing but chicken nuggets and pizza…breakfast, lunch and dinner! I don’t have the slightest idea how that happened!

    • Deni Lyn says:

      REALLY? Pizza and chicken? That’s it? How does he not get bored. . .or worse?! Oh youngins’! So much faster and in some ways smarter. . .But seldom ever wiser. . .or more cunning! I got the kid to eat home made BBQ pulled pork tenderloin on a whole wheat bun with mashed sweet potatoes and steamed broccoli tonight. Ha!

  4. It’s all a part of a sinister toddler plot to take over the world by making us all completely crazy. You can’t outwit them, but maybe you can outlast them long enough. They usually give up the world domination plan somewhere around 4 or 5 years and settle for more modest plans of driving us occasionally crazy for their own entertainment.

    • Deni Lyn says:

      4 or 5 you say? I swear I can vividly recall tormenting my parents for sport around that age. I’m certain I did so at a younger age without the benefit of recollection. This is going to be so much fun! Ha.

  5. Ah, the good old days. I always felt so bad for my little one, the only way to express himself was to go absolutely insane-until he was able to use words. Even then, he’d still have a melt down but it was easier to figure out what the cause was! Good for you having patience!

    • Deni Lyn says:

      Thank you. I’m continually saying “use your words, please.” It’s amazing how many things he knows and says. . .yet when he’s frustrated or upset, he doesn’t seem to be able to use them as effectively. (Probably because I’m jumping around being a big interfering, distracting doofus!

  6. I love this story in about seven different ways. In a purely literary way; I think it’s one of the technically/structurally best things I’ve read on your blog in a long time. In a perverse human being kind of way, the sour cream freak out is hilarious. And in a “here’s a chance to conquer myself” kind of way—look, I’m leaving a comment and not offering you any any any advice on how to deal with toddler eats-not-eats days. Yes!

    • Deni Lyn says:

      Well, thank you very much!

      I never really thought about my blog being “literary” at all. I just try to write stuff that would make me laugh. I’m always open to suggestions for improvement. . .and learning and personal growth so any thoughts you might have are always welcome.

      (I should also mention that I thought this was one of my less funny posts. And I wrote it in about 15 minutes and didn’t proof it at all before posting – didn’t have much time. Funny how you never know what will catch someone’s attention!)

      With regard to cranked up, picky, teething kid. . .I want to try sour cream again ASAP just to see what would happen. If nothing else, Mac will have something to discuss with a therapist someday! Ha.

      Thanks so much for your comments and retweets! I honestly do appreciate it.

  7. Oh welcome to my world! I used to think to myself that parents of “picky” children just didn’t offer their kids enough variety. Yea, so I’m totally eating my words now! My kids go through phases – but I don’t offer them anything other than what’s prepared at meal time (I’m such a bitch). Well, this applies to the 4 yr old. The 18 mos is too young to understand IMO. I offer three meals and three snacks so if they don’t like what’s served, they can wait for snack time. That way they still get something in their bellies before bedtime.

    I deleted my follow somehow when I changed over from my old blog (4eyedblonde.com). I’ve missed you!!! I so love your blog!!

    • Deni Lyn says:

      Thank you! I’m glad you’re back! I still don’t think I’ve ever managed to successfully subscribe to your blog. I’ve been meaning to try again. . .you know how it goes! But your Twitter feed is entertainment gold so I need to get on it! Ha!

      So Mac is 20 months and like your 18 mo. old I think he’s probably still a too young to understand the whole “eat what’s placed in front of you” concept. I feel like every time I turn around, this kid is asking to get in the high chair. And often once he’s there, he’s not happy with my offerings. Ha! I’m in snack purgatory!

      I guess I should just be thankful he’s not truly picky. If he’s in the mood, he’ll eat nearly anything and up until this little sour cream episode, he’s been willing to at least try new stuff.

      PS You’re not a bitch. You’re SMART! 🙂

  8. Julie DeNeen says:

    This was fantastic! Toddlers and eating habits are crazy making business, I’m convinced. Love the photo too!