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The Major Award

My Husband likes to run.

Yes.  I knew this and I still married him.

By and large, I’m okay with the running.  It’s a healthy habit and it keeps him in great shape – which comes in really handy for a slightly mushy blob of a wife who’s exhausted and half-hung over a LOT.

Yes.  His “running nights” are kinda’ a pain in my ass.  His hasty departure back out the door always causes the kid to meltdown.  And I’m always trying to time the dinner just right so it’s ready whether he does 4 miles slow or 2.5 miles fast.

Hell for all I know, maybe he just runs to the corner bar and drinks for 25 minutes?  Actually, I’m pretty sure I’m the only one of us that would even think of that. 

Anyway, I try to be as supportive as possible.  It’s good for him and aside from some new sneakers every couple hundred miles, it’s free.

Some time ago, he started tracking his running with an iPhone App called “Map My Run.”  I’m not sure why it’s important to track your runs if you are a casual runner like my Husband?

I must confess I used to run myself – a lot – and that was long before the days of fancy Apps.  Basically, my “training” consisted of running around until my borderline-anexoric ass damned near passed out or 35 minutes was up – whichever happened first. Oh those were the days. . .

Anywhoooooo. . .Sometime in the late spring, Chris was notified by the Map My Run folks that he had logged enough miles to get some swag sent to him.

Free stuff for running?!  Suddenly this whole running App made much more sense to me.

Chris filled out the necessary information and we anxiously awaited the delivery.  Could we be getting a MAJOR AWARD?  (Thank you, A Christmas Story – I LOVE you so much I’m kinda’ ripping you off here.  Mwah!!)

What could it be?

Days became weeks and every day the Fed Ex or UPS truck came barreling up the street, I’d tense up in excitement anticipating what Map My Run might have sent us err Chris.

Visions of Under Armor or a fancy iPhone arm-band thingy danced in my head.  Maybe we’d get some socks (lame). . .but maybe they were super fancy socks and Chris would love them. . .He deserved it.

Still more weeks passed and finally Chris got an email that his swag was delayed but was still on its way.

No worries.  Good things come to those who wait right?

Turns out that’s bullshit.

Six weeks later we received this in the mail:

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?!  After all those miles?  After all those tantrums I endured when Chris left the house in the evenings?  After all those dinners I struggled to keep warm and edible?!  THIS!!!?

Suddenly I felt just like Ralphie with his bullshit Little Orphan Annie Decoder!  This was absolutely the adult equivalent of “Drink Your Ovaltine.”

Still, it was free.  Chris and I chuckled about it.

We don’t drink sports drinks or use little packets like this so Chris tossed his major award into the kitchen drawer that contains a bunch of miscellaneous stuff.

Last week I cleaned out the drawer.  I scowled at the sight of the little packet. . .still a bitter disappointment months later.  It had been sitting there for at least 4 months. . .SO. . .I threw it in the trash.

Wouldn’t you know it, that VERY NIGHT Chris came home and wanted to know where his fitness water powder was?


I told him to do me a favor and Shut it and drink his Ovaltine.

No Responses to “The Major Award”

  1. Typical, isn’t it?!

    We were at a family dinner a couple of weekends ago, and I overheard my husband tell someone he had hired himself a personal trainer. It took every ounce of my strength not to blow a gasket – must be nice! He later told me I missed the beginning of the conversation and that he only did it once. I’m calling BS.

    For my sanity, I just dropped it.

    But how is THAT fair when he’s out of the house 12+ hours a day?!

    (Clearly, I haven’t actually dropped it!!! 😉 )

  2. I can’t actually believe it was delayed hahaha! That’s so typically brilliant. xx