I have a rather colorful imagination. . .So when something or someone annoys me, it gives me great (and completely immature) satisfaction to mentally envision myself giving said object or individual the good old middle finger. . .maybe a double middle finger if it’s really obnoxious.
It’s the little things that really make life worth living.
Here’s what’s getting my mental business finger currently:
1. The Lighthouse – We have a lot of history with this item. When Mac was a wee thing, we participated in the Maryland Lighthouse Challenge. (You can read about how it works here if you’re a complete dork like we clearly are). It turned out to be a great weekend! We started our challenge very early one Saturday and Mac received this swag for being the first child that day to visit the Drum Point Light. It’s really a neat item. If you crank the light portion, it plays music. And inside the little door, are 4 small beautifully illustrated board books about lighthouses and beaches, etc.
For a year now, this little treasure sat on the very top of the shelves in Mac’s room. It seemed like a toy more appropriately suited to an older child. But I guess in the midst of hurricane-stir-crazy-chaos Chris decided to offer it to Mac.
It started out well. But then Mac kept getting his fist stuck in the “window.” And he’d whine when he couldn’t get the books back in the thing properly. And he couldn’t pull the door open by himself but he insisted on shutting it completely every 2.5 seconds requiring assistance to re-open it. He decided he didn’t like the roof and yanked it off. And if he even saw the roof anywhere in the damned vicinity, he’d freak. I had to hide the roof. And finally, he threw the whole damned thing down the basement stairs. . .and pitched a fit because I wouldn’t retrieve it.
And the Husband is lucky he’s not getting one too after subjecting us to such ill-timed, unnecessary toddler angst in the middle of a weather event that left us trapped in the house for two days straight.
Speaking of annoying toys. . .
2. The Puzzle I’m done with this asshole. It seemed to be so promising. How much fun would a puzzle that made animal sounds be?! To be exact: None. It didn’t come with batteries so I had to find the fucking Smurf-sized screwdriver to install them. I happily presented the puzzle to Mac, he meowed, pulled the cat peg away from the puzzle, heard it meow and immediately flipped the eff out. We tried for a few days but he hated the animal noises. So I dug out the Smurf screwdriver and ripped the batteries out of the gawd-forsaken thing. After that, Mac decided the most fun he could have with this puzzle was throwing every blessed piece down the stairs. After stepping on the wood duck no fewer than 2 million times with my barefoot, I’m done.
It’s going in the donation bag.
Middle finger to myself for spending $7.99 on this annoying, foot destroying, sorry excuse for children’s amusement.
3. The Unsolicited Whiner at the Park – The other day as Mac and I slogged our way around the over-flowing Boat Lake at the Park hunting down a ruddy duck, we were approached by an unassuming middle-aged man.
I made the mistake of saying hello. And the bitching began. . .
The Lake is overflowing because the Department of Parks and Recreation doesn’t know how to engineer a pond. The ducks aren’t plentiful because people steal their eggs to eat. . .
It went on and on and on. I could not make a clean break from this guy. I tried three times to redirect the conversation commenting on how wonderful the gardens were and still how lovely the Lake is despite the fact that it floods after a hurricane! and what a good resource it is for local schools. . .And I even pointed out an American Coot to him which he said he’d never seen before. . .to no avail.
Everyone likes to complain. I try to keep my bitching to the confines of this blog. . .where you sickos can read it and laugh about it. :)
Who complains too much with positively no justification and gets a MIDDLE FINGER? This guy.
4. The Weather – Need I say more?
DOUBLE FINGER. You’re jacking up my birding AND the kid’s sleep schedule. Get your shit together.
5. The Rogue Hair on My Chin and the Fact that I’m too Lazy to Locate the Tweezers. One finger to the hair and another to me for SLOTH. I hope I get to the tweezers before I meet our new neighbors. . .whom I already hate but plan to bake brownies for anyway. . cause I’m totally passive aggressive like that.
And no, I’m not taking a picture of that gruesome shit.
Just know it deserves the MIDDLE FINGER too!