Home » Welcome Home Honey!

Welcome Home Honey!

My Husband was out-of-town last night for business.

And I know it’s difficult to comprehend, but I think he actually dislikes being away from the kid and me.

Granted it could be more fear of what he might return home to (we all know about my propensity to drink wine and glitter things), rather than affection that drives his dislike of being away. . .Regardless, I try to make things a little special for when he returns.

I know.  One night isn’t that big of a deal.  But I don’t want to take any chances, because I guarantee you, if someone gave me a free plane ride, a rental car, a decent hotel, and a generous per diem, I would certainly be tempted to um linger. . .and I can’t risk that Husband might succumb to the same temptation when I have these out of control pets and a diaper-less, screaming 16-month running around making me batcrapnuts all the ding dang day.

So earlier today Mac and I hit the grocery store for some canned cannellini beans and good bread to make the Kale, Beet, Bean and Blue Cheese Salad Chris likes so much.  (Yes, the one that makes me pee pink, but again, I’m willing to pull out ALL the stops).

I put Mac down for his nap and put the beets in the oven to roast.  The house is relatively clean.  Most of my chores are caught up until just before Mac gets awake around 4.

Except I’M the biggest chore of all. I am a mess.  I look in the mirror and realize I need at least 45 minutes of maintenance to even look halfway acceptable.  And once I resign myself to this fact, I set about wondering what I should wear for our welcome home dinner.

Chris is due home just about the time Mac and I will be arriving back from our evening walk and just in time for me to slap dinner on the table.  There will be no time for presto-chango let me just slip out of these sneakers and make myself look like JuneFuckingCleaver.  If this morning’s walk was any indication, I’m going to arrive home over-heated with wind-chapped red cheeks and some seriously wild hair.


I stew.

I shift my weight from one foot to the other in front of my closet.

There’s no effing way I’m hiking through the park in jeans.  I just don’t find them comfortable enough for a long walk.  I would hate to waste a good thigh-chaffing incident on such a pedestrian activity as a walk in the park with the kid.

And I can’t exactly wear my sneakers with a skirt or dress. . .Plus it’s windy.  Although recounting how I flashed all the children feeding the ducks at the Boat Lake would make a great blog post. . .

Reluctantly, I open the only dresser drawer that ever sees any action these days and pull out a long-sleeved, crew-neck T Shirt and knit, drawstring-waist shorts.

But then I feel bad.  This is the same sort of outfit I wear EVERY. DAY.  Although, I did take care to pick separates that were not covered in paint.

Add to it my matronly beige minimizer bra and the beige maternity underwear I still wear with way too much frequency (every day) and well. . .poor Chris.

So I did what any good wife would do.

I decided to add a scarf.

Welcome Home Honey!

It’s magical isn’t it?

No Responses to “Welcome Home Honey!”

  1. sarcasmica says:

    I think if you have on clean underwear and shave something, that’s considered ‘dressing up’.

  2. my life is still like this. and my kids are almost 5. boo.

    • Deni Lyn says:

      This isn’t exactly the encouraging beacon I was seeking.

      Although, if you are hinting that I can wear clothes this comfortable for at least the next four years, I kinda’ love you!