Home » Kid’s Acrobatics Strikes Terror In The Heart of Reluctant Mother

Kid’s Acrobatics Strikes Terror In The Heart of Reluctant Mother

Mac has been practicing all sorts of pint-sized acrobatics these days.  He can walk about six or seven steps completely unsupported.  He can stand and balance himself unassisted for longer and longer periods of time.  He’s able to go from a seated position to standing without needing to pull himself up on anything.

Of course, I’m proud of him. . .

But part of me wishes he’d slow down. . .

Not because I’m feeling all sappy about how fast he’s growing up.

I don’t have time to be sentimental. . .

BECAUSE I’m too damned busy trying to keep him out of trouble.

He’s lightening fast and into EVERYTHING.

It’s exhausting.

I’m continually moving stuff around in an effort to thwart his increasingly successful attempts to access it.

Chris’ desk drawers no longer close flush to the desk because we had to kid proof them.  We’ve all heard about my continued battles in the kitchen.  The dishwasher had to be secured.  I have things that belong on the wall, but spend more time stacked up on a table since he’s continually tugging at them.  And heaven help me if I need to reach the loo in a hurry.  It’s covered in latches and locks that I’m certain Mac will master faster than I can.

And then yesterday I witnessed a gymnastic feat that truly struck me with terror:

And ever since I’ve been obsessing about what stuff I can get rid of, what I can keep and for how long I will need to keep it hidden.

I’m serious.

I like my surroundings to look a certain way.  And stripping nearly every decorative item from the joint makes me more than a little sad.  It’s not that there’s anything too precious in the place to begin with; however I certainly wouldn’t want him breaking glass or anything else and hurting himself.

Before I had children, I would gaze at those huge unattractive EZ Storage buildings and wonder why the hell people kept so much stuff.  Why would you pay to store things that do not fit in your home?  Why wouldn’t you just get rid of some junk.  How much could you possibly be using items that are locked away in an inconvenient location?

And now I know:  You have to hide your shit in a secure undisclosed location so your kids don’t destroy it!  

After witnessing my little monkey scaling the stove, I’m looking for an 18 year lease on one of these puppies at least 30 minutes from the house (surely that’s a safe distance right?)

I’m also considering having the entire house covered in tile and placing drains in every floor so I can just turn a fire house on this place once a day to deal with the stickiness and fingerprints.

No Responses to “Kid’s Acrobatics Strikes Terror In The Heart of Reluctant Mother”

  1. Pattie Cruikshank says:

    Be glad you don’t have kitchen chairs to push around. Sarah used them to climb up on the stove and turn on the burners or to push to the sink to play with the hot water! Walking on the piano keys was a daily event and of course fall was too! UGH!

    • Deni Lyn says:

      Ugh. He already moves the counter height stools around. It’s only a matter of time before he attempts to mount one of them and pulls it over on himself. Suddenly what I thought was ridiculous tuition for a few half days of pre-school a week is starting to look like a bargain! Ha.

  2. OMG, you always make me laugh! It’s a sh*t show around here, too. And I don’t have a lot of baby-proofing in here since we’re trying to sell the place, so it’s a bit more challenging. One of the things on my “wish list” when we buy a new place is to have a family room off the kitchen so I can see Bubby while I’m “cooking”.

    I keep all of the bedroom and bathroom doors closed all the time so that she can’t get into them, and I find she is pretty good with drawers (after having had a few mishaps), but I am dreading the day when she figures out how to move and get onto a chair, or how to climb onto the kitchen counters!

    How do women with more than 1 child do it?!

  3. FacetsofLucy says:

    I read your post first thing this morning and it gave me the best out-loud belly laugh to start my day. I had 4 children and when I go back and read my journal or look at my calendar, even I don’t know how I did it. But, I LOVE your pictures of him on the stove. So cute …and terrifying.

    • Deni Lyn says:

      I’m so glad I made you smile! Wait. . .you had four children and still had time to keep journals and calendars?! Amazing. . .I don’t know how you did it either but I think it’s awesome that you did! 🙂

  4. Meghan says:

    I saw this picture and almost died laughing. HAHA. Good luck, Mama!

  5. Mrs. Mo says:

    He is adorable. I want to pinch his cheeks! Alex is climbing, but we keep the kitchen gated off. He never bothered trying to climb the oven though. Good luck 🙂

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