I’m screwed aren’t I?
Nope. Doesn’t matter if I delete it, the thought is already out there in the Internet ether. . .
I was up at 5AM. And I got right down to business. Chores, coffee, etc. Mac was still asleep at 9AM. Typically, if he’s still sleeping by 9, I get him awake. If he sleeps much longer it makes his nap too late in the afternoon. . .starting the dreaded cycle of too late to bed, and on and on and on. . .
But this morning, I decided to chance it. I thought if I let him sleep a little longer (I could swill more coffee and dick around on Twitter), I had a chance to take him to the pool during kid’s swim time and still get in an early enough nap. (Most days he naps during the first family swim time of the day. And the second is from 5-7 which is hard with dinner and Chris’ evening activities and chores).
For those of you with children, you realize the risk I was taking. For those of you smart folks who are without, let me explain. First of all, I was chancing the fact that swimming would make him so tired he would still nap early. I was also gambling on the weather. They were calling for a chance of showers. So if I let the kid sleep late and we weren’t able to swim or walk, I would be doomed to a nearly napless afternoon prying the screaming little tyrant out of the dishwasher. Jesus? Why doesn’t that thing have a child lock?
But to my great surprise, things were right on track. I got him awake about 9:45. I had already prepared his favorite breakfast: cheese omelette with two slices of bacon (yes, he loves that stuff and it’s fattening as hell, so I purchase it occasionally for him, environmental concerns about factory farming be damned), plus watermelon if he eats all the egg, bacon, and has his milk.
We cleaned up and geared up and because he was in the fucking dishwasher again, ripping out dirty silverware, we left the house half an hour before the pool opened.
We meandered towards the pool. We stopped and played on the swings for a few minutes. . .
But as it turns out kids are really terrible at patiently killing time. Well, unless of course, you desperately need them to be in a hurry and stay focused, at which point, they will completely screw you.
So we headed towards the pool and sat outside in the shade of the overhang at the entrance of the pool house. Because gawd forbid that lady who takes the tickets have a heart and actually set aside her Royal Farms Chicken and potato wedges to let an exhausted Mother and her squirmy 14 month-old kid into the pool house 5 minutes early before the place is crawling with 25 tweens from day camp.
Mac was restless, so I gave him my stainless steel water bottle. Naturally, it’s far superior than his own stainless steel cup. The Day Campers arrived completely swarming us, despite the counselors’ repeated requests to form an orderly line. I quickly surveyed the scene and when I looked back at Mac, I noticed he had something small and black between the thumb and forefinger of his left hand. He was staring at it intently, water bottle completely forgotten.
What was that? Where did he get that?
That has wings?!
And he opened his little fist just enough to reveal that what he was squeezing in his fingers was a huge BUMBLE BEE!!!
Are you freaking kidding me? Of all the kids milling around, this bee somehow found its way into the hands of the youngest one there? After reflecting a bit, maybe it was drawn to the large detailed orange hibiscus flowers on his board shorts?
My heart was in my throat.
What if he’s terribly allergic?
I tried to very calmly ask Mac to drop it, while getting rid of it without causing it to go bonkers stinging him.
What I’m pretty sure actually happened was I started screaming like a little school girl while grabbing Mac’s meaty little arm and violently shaking it.
Mac flipped out. The bee flew away. I don’t think it actually stung him. But if it did, the kid isn’t allergic and he clearly has a high threshold for pain as he calmed down pretty quickly.
We swam for about an hour. A good time was had by all. . .And currently we are napping well.
I’ll bee damned, what a fabulous day!