Saturday marked the highly unanticipated delivery of my Land’s End swimsuit.
Look, it’s not wonderful but it will work. It’s not nearly as super-sucky-inny as a Miracle Suit but then again, it was at least half the price of a Miracle suit so I suppose you only pay for half as much slimming power. And I feel like the straps are still a little long (even in a petite size). . .Like a need just a tad more “lifting power.” I’m going to examine it to see if I can give them a slight tuck.
Anyway, that’s not all that was delivered: I also ordered a dress. They had a very nice selection of dresses marked down considerably. And I fell in love with a cotton pull over A-line dress with an interesting neckline, color asparagus (which is really a very saturated well dyed kelly green. Sometimes I think their dye looks almost faded but not this garment). Plus, I fit into a “normal” petite measurement in all their other clothes so it made me feel good to order something less ego crushing.
I tried on the dress first. I loved it! It’s a soft cotton knit. It’s not too heavy or too light weight and it drapes beautifully. I was worried about the “cling” factor.
I was delighted. The swimsuit was practically an afterthought.
So intoxicated with this dress was I, I was already plotting how I could get my hands on one in every available color.
“Oh Self,” I whisper in a dreamy voice. ”These are the types of garments that are perfect for a Stay At Home Mom!”
Comfortable, reasonably priced, decent quality, launders easily, easy to dress up or down, appropriate for at least 3 seasons depending on the accessories, doesn’t wrinkle terribly.
“Self, you must take very very good care of this dress. Promise the dress you will NEVER paint or bleach anything while wearing it. You won’t stain it or ruin it by next week. PROMISE!! This dress is exactly what you need to halt your downward fashion spiral!”
I took the love of my life asparagus, cotton modal, drape neck dress to the basement to “speed wash” it later that evening so it would be ready to wear to Chris’ birthday dinner the following night.
Later that evening I washed it on cold water with a few other barely soiled items and put it in the dryer. I was working on a birthday memory book for Chris at the same time. As soon as I heard the dryer “ding” I snatched the dress from the dryer so it wouldn’t be at all wrinkly. I didn’t have an extra hanger in the basement so I gave the dress a good shake and folded it in half at the waist and draped it over an empty laundry basket that was sitting on top of the washing machine.
The next day, a few hours before it was time to go to dinner, I took the dress up to my closet and hung it prominently. My mind reeled with options. Yellow clutch? Purple shoes? Pink and Green Lilly Pulitzer scarf and Havaianas? Huge earrings and fun embellished sandals? Super high black leather heels and edgy Giles and Brother bracelets?
I haven’t been this excited to get dressed. . .since well, probably just before Mac was conceived. This dress is magical!
Just before were nearly ready to walk out the door (because that’s when it’s safest to get dressed these days), I flop the dress out on the bed, back of the dress face up so I can pull it on. And that’s when I see it: These weird gummy white streaks all over the back bottom portion of the dress.
What the hell?
I’m pretty sure if Mac hadn’t been present you might have heard my anguished cursing the whole way in New Zealand.
Chris gazes at the mess in uneasy silence.
I have no idea what this is? Or when it got there? Was it shipped this way? Did something gummy end up in the washer? Did it happen after it was laundered?
Chris starts frantically scratching at it with a fingernail. ”Look, it’s coming up. Stain treat it tomorrow,” he says optimistically.
“Why do I even bother?!” I wanted to whine. ”I should know better than to bother with nice clothes. They all just get ruined!”
Fortunately, there was little time to wallow in my sorrow.
Early this morning I marched the poor stained beloved never-worn dress to the basement. And as I was passing the shelves with the craft supplies, I spotted something suspect.
Yes, gesso. Saturday night, while I was washing the dress, I was also using white gesso in Chris’ birthday memory book. And since I’m one messy mo-fo when it comes to glueing and painting, I felt certain I had somehow accidentally smeared gesso all over the dress.
My own stupid fault. I couldn’t blame the dressmaker or the washer. I was sure it was me.
And then my heart really sank. Because if I got the gesso all over the dress before I wedged it in the dryer, certainly all was lost.
But I figured some Spray and Wash with Resolve action could be spared in the name of such a beloved dress. I aggressively soaked the offending spots and paced.
Stupid gesso. Stupid craft projects. Stupid crafts in the laundry room! Stupid me!
Shortly after, I examined the dress. I’ll be damned! It seemed to be working. I didn’t see or feel any of the white substance on the dress any longer. It’s currently back in the wash so we aren’t out of the woods yet, but I’m cautiously optimistic.
Meanwhile, I ordered myself another one in Raspberry.
And I SWEAR, SWEAR, SWEAR, I won’t let anything bad happen to it. . .
At least not before wearing it once. . .
Because, I feel like (mostly), I’m worth the bother. . .