Home » In Which the Sermon Sucks and Possibly Earns Reluctant Mother A One Way Ticket to Hell

In Which the Sermon Sucks and Possibly Earns Reluctant Mother A One Way Ticket to Hell

We made a little party for Mac on Saturday to kick off what is shaping up to be a week-long birthday extravaganza.   It was a simple party and our guest list was short – his godparents and their son who is about 6 months older than Mac.

I’ve known Mac’s god-mother since 6th or 7th grade.  And I was very much looking forward to sharing copious amounts of white sangria with her during the party, until she blurted out she was pregnant!  (Squeal!) Apparently thanks to the grapefruit mimosas we guzzled the last time we were together. . .but this isn’t why I’m going to Hell. . .At least I don’t think so.

As a result of her great news, My Husband and I had to up our sangria consumption.  I had made a double batch and we wouldn’t want that going to waste.  After we cleaned up the party stuff (like with an industrial vacuum and gallons of Dr. Bronner’s – SITCKY everywhere!).  We invited our neighbor over for some drinks and nachos.  This resulted in my being up until midnight after very little sleep the night before.

So we went to the 10 o’clock mass – late.  Besides the fact that I was pretty parched, it could have been a lot worse.  And there was a nice breeze blowing through the church.  We all plopped down in our usual back corner of the place and I was looking forward to some peace and quiet for the next 40 minutes.

Except we do not normally attend this mass and the Priest I’m used to wasn’t there.  It was this other guy.  And while I’m certain he’s a very nice man, I couldn’t for some reason understand half of what he was mumbling. Yes, I’m sure it wasn’t just my sangria pickled synapses misfiring.

I’m not exactly a huge fan of organized religion but I believe it’s important for children to have some knowledge of religion since Biblical references are prevalent in literature, it can be a way to help foster a greater sense of community, etc.  However, if Mac decides when he’s older he’d rather practice a different religion or no religion, that will be his decision.  I believe spirituality is very personal.

So my point is, I basically go to church to hear the sermon.  I was not raised Catholic and I do not necessarily understand the entire mass.  Although, I’m looking forward to learning since things like this interest me – symbolism, history, etc.

But yesterday was NOT a good sermon.  If fact, it wasn’t a sermon AT ALL!  Not only did this guy sound like he had a bunch of peanut butter (or communion wine) gumming up his speech, he was just making a pitch for the congregation to donate money to some overseas humanitarian relief efforts.

I have no doubt, it’s a worthy cause and I’m sure we’ll stroke a check.  But I didn’t need a 25 minute pitch to reach that conclusion.  All I kept hearing was “Blurb, blurb, blah, blah CHOLERA!  Blurb, blah, blah SCHOOLS!  Blah, blah, blah, HOSPITALS!  Blurb, blah,  SIN!”

My sangria foggy head was ready to explode.  And here’s where the eternal damnation part comes in:  I found myself hoping not exactly praying. . .ok, maybe praying a little bit. . . that Mac would start squirming so I could take him out of the church.

I know!  I know!  Terrible!  But I couldn’t listen to that guy one minute longer.  I’m not sure which I found more offensive: the fact that I couldn’t understand half of what he was saying or the actual content of what I could decipher!

And when my good little guy started getting a little wiggly, I scooped him up, drug him outside and, like the heathen I apparently am, I rewarded him with crackers.

Have you ever “used” your kid to get out of a situation, place, or obligation?

Even if I end up in purgatory, my sangria was HEAVENLY:  Pour about 1.5 bottles of white wine (I used Sauvignon Blanc), a cup of reduced calorie white grape juice and about 1/4 sugar (or to taste) into a large pitcher.  Stir until sugar dissolves.  Add some sliced nectarines, white grapes, and some Granny Smith Apples.  Allow everything to chill for a couple of hours.  Pour into glasses and top off with a little club soda for fizz.

No Responses to “In Which the Sermon Sucks and Possibly Earns Reluctant Mother A One Way Ticket to Hell”

  1. Damn now I’m thirsty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Deni Lyn says:

      Ha! It was tasty. I don’t care for sangrias that have a bunch of mystery alcohol in them – vodka, brandy, etc. This one was more like a spritzer. And pregnant friend said the “virgin version” with just the fruit, grape juice and club soda was great too.

    • Deni Lyn says:

      Thanks for checking out the blog too! 🙂

  2. Mrs. Mo says:

    Oh, sangria… I used to get SO wasted on that stuff! Lethal 🙂

    On a serious note, it’s funny that you wrote about bringing Mac to church. I’ve been toying with the thought of taking Alex as well. Not because we are religious, but because the Greek church is a vital part of the Greek culture and I want Alex to have a deep connection to the culture that dominates my life. But it will be difficult I think. For one thing he would have to be baptized which means his dad would have to convert and it will be the scene from my Big Fat Greek wedding: tall non-Greek standing in a kiddie pool in his boxers. Hah. It might be worth it 🙂

    • Deni Lyn says:

      It can be lethal. Fortunately for me, the little guy got awake at an odd time (probably because he heard us whopping it up with the neighbors) so I was cut off before I could stupidly get myself into a miserable hangover situation.

      The religion aspect of parenting is the one thing Chris and I bickered about before we even agreed to have children. We wanted our child to “belong” to a church – but my faith or his Father’s?

      I’m surprised your Son could not be baptized unless your Husband converts. (I learned something new!)
      I was baptized in another Christian Faith and Chris is Catholic so we are able to “join” a Catholic church.

      I was also shocked to learn, Chris actually had to provide documentation about his baptism, confirmation, etc. before we could “join.”

      In one way, these practices/traditions are special. In another way, I think they can discourage folks from participating.

      I’d say, if your Husband agrees to wade into the Kiddie pool, what’s the harm? Keep me posted (and get photos!) 🙂

      • Mrs. Mo says:

        Well from what I understand our marriage had to have been done in the church and in order to do that he needs to convert. He would need to convert anyways because the parents have to be active members of their parish for at least a year before they would baptize the child. We would also need godparents and unfortunately the only people I would want all live in Greece. It’s a big headache really.

        I think I might just let Alex decide when he is old enough to make his own decisions. That pains me to say because having photos of Kris as he’s being baptized would be priceless!

        • Deni Lyn says:

          That does sound like a LOT of obstacles. I think it’s also perfectly acceptable to have Alex decide when he’s older. In the meantime, you could still attend church, if you choose to, right?

          It’s one piece of heritage/culture/community but it certainly need not be the keystone – especially these days with technology and international flights. 🙂

          I still agree the baptism pics of Kris would no doubt achieve “heirloom” status in your family!

  3. […]  Then we raced home to get to church on time.   We can never seem to make to church on time. . .Another week where I couldn’t understand a blessed word of the homily.  But Chris wrestled with Mac in the vestibule this week so at least I got to sit in one spot very […]